I have tried therapy on and off for a while now. People would always get frustrated with me and tell me to "get therapy," but I never knew what I was actually supposed to be there for. And I tried a service like BetterHelp before (can't remember what this one was called), but it just sucked ass and I'm not sure if the people on there were even licensed professionals.
I finally started going consistently with this one therapist, but I frequently get frustrated with her for not giving me actual coping skills or techniques. One of her favorite things to ask me is "how can you deal with X?" And I get frustrated and say "I don't know." Because if I fucking knew I wouldn't be in therapy. She seems to do a more meandering talk therapy style thing with vague ideas of DBT and CBT thrown in there. She's not giving me enough skills to not get fired at work. She helped me go through a difficult time, but now that that's over, I'm back to square one.
So I found a therapist who specifically states she does DBT. Over time I have learned that my core issue is emotional dysregulation which is treated by DBT. She told me she follows this one workbook. I got the book. It's great! It gives you a zillion and one coping skills. But after having several sessions with her, I notice that she spends the entire time just going "in chapter 4, this happens. Then in chapter 8, this happens" while my eyes just glaze over. Today the session ended 35 minutes early because she only vaguely contributed to me talking about a problem I had today.
I have been seeing both therapists concurrently until my deductible resets in January.
I just am so endlessly frustrated with the entire mental health industry. I've seen so many different therapists. I've really tried to do any exercises that they have given me. I've tried multiple different psych meds (trying a new one now actually!).
Nothing works. Nothing has changed about me. I'm the same person with the same problems. And nothing I seem to try makes a lick of difference. I try so hard. I try a zillion different things...exercise, getting good sleep, eating right, therapy, meds...nothing changes me. Nothing helps me.
What in the everliving fuck am I missing? Do I have to go through 30 different therapists before I can find one that can help me? Am I just doing therapy "wrong"??? What am I supposed to be doing here?
Through all this, I've found that telling someone to "go to therapy" is almost offensive...it just absolves others from caring about you and makes it sound like you're not willing to do the base effort in bettering yourself.
Sorry for the long post and thanks for taking the time to read.
If you can't figure it, that's not the answer. That was my point. Try something else. Take a step back. For example, "why does it matter that people are imperfect and hurt you?" "why are these the only two options?" "Can someone else see a different path?"
See if maybe those are problems you can solve more easily.
That is my point. Someone can give you things to try, but you have to try and evaluate yourself. No human or machine can do that for you.
If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Try to solve the puzzle a different way. That's what therapy or counseling, or even coaching is supposed to help you do. But not do it for you.
I'm confused. Obviously that's not the answer. I can't figure out the answer. I have went through this one concept for hours and hours with ChatGPT in a zillion different ways for many different days. I am never able to come up with a solution. I just need like a little bit of a push in the right direction as opposed to just telling me to figure it out and leaving me to it. If I wasn't an incompetent dumbass crazy person then a therapist could probably be a lot more vague with me.
They aren't being vague with you. You are missing the point. Asking and answering questions IS the work. Like reps at the gym.
They won't give you a little push in the right direction because thats up to you. They can only point directions and tell you to try, like working out, different techniques, talk therapy, etc.
If you genuinely believe you can not use these as exploratory tools, you might want to talk to a psychiatrist instead. Not in a mean way, but maybe the rigid thinking and looping can be helped with medication. Then therapy might be more effective.
You don't understand what I'm saying. I'm spinning my head around and around and trying to come at some of these questions from all angles. I spend hours and hours trying to figure it out...bouncing ideas off of ChatGPT, wracking my own brain, working without ChatGPT to come up with new ideas.
I'm already in my head entirely too much and was already trying to dive into there to figure things out before therapy. It just made things worse and ended up with me spinning in circles in bizarre thought loops and ideas.
I cannot for the life of me come up with my own solution to my problems, no matter how many hours I put into it or how many different angles I try to come at it.
Is it really such crazy of an ask ask for me to want a therapist to vaguely help to slightly point me in the hope of any direction at all whatsoever to even start to begin to figure out any of my problems at all? Like even just giving me the hint of an idea? Or like some sort of coping skill? Or some sort of new way of looking at something that I haven't managed to think my way into yet?
Here's an example of a convo in therapy.
Me: I'm having a lot of trouble with X. I can't figure out how to deal with it.
Therapist: How do you think you should deal with X?
Me: I don't know. I can't for the life of me figure it out.
Therapist: You need to figure out how to deal with X.
Like I just want some sort of direction at all.
Am I just too mentally challenged for therapy then???? I just don't understand what else to do.
I have been trying a lot of different medications, with my provider, yeah. I'm not sure how a medication could make my thinking "less rigid" like you say.
Idk what to tell you if thinking about something when you're asked a question is too hard.
You said you've been given direction. Literal workbooks, but you insist they don't work. I'm not sure what magic word or secret you think therapists have that will fix your life, but it doesn't work like that.
I suggested meds because then the responsibility is with your provider, not with you, which seems to be what you want. You can talk to them about how they might help you.
No, sorry. The second therapist who I only saw 3 times gave me a workbook. The one who I have been seeing for a long time did not. So I've only been doing the workbook relatively recently.
This second therapist doesn't say anything to me during the sessions tho. She lets me talk a bit and then is just like "I love this chapter. Guess what happens in chapter 7? Chapter 4 is my favorite". And I don't know how to keep responding to that.
The workbook doesn't answer big picture questions tho like my old therapist asks. The workbook is very useful, but I've only just started with it. One frustrating thing is I feel like it just puts a bandaid on the issue. It doesn't solve it or help stop any of my pain.
My old (current) therapist gives me only vague things that I have a hard time figuring out what to do with.
Then Idk man. I just do shrooms and talk to a counselor sometimes. Not in a mean way: you need a professional, not a rando on the Internet.
I mean I'm seeing multiple professionals lol so idk what else in supposed to be doing!