Mental Health

I think I went through maybe a dozen or more therapists. Most of them disagreed with the previous therapist. All of them changed my prescriptions immediately while scoffing at my last prescription. One of them did an outstanding job, but then they left my area. I still think about the things they told me. They were right; I was doing a good job of getting myself through that bullshit, and that bullshit was tough for anybody to go through. Even though I didn't do any of the things they told me to do, I know now that they were right, and I should have. Sometimes I think about tracking them down to say thank you, but I'm pretty sure that's the beginning of more than a few horror movies.

Keep looking if you can and need to. Sometimes, just looking will help you realize what you need, or don't need. If you know what that is, then you're halfway to where you need to be.

You're working on you, and that's more than most ever bother to do.

i've found that therapy is good for practicing social skills, and explaining your feelings to other people. these are generally valuable skills, but they lack in what you're looking for - trying to get yourself to a less reactive state

have you read a book called "the body keeps the score"? it talks a lot about PTSD/CPTSD, the causes, and, most relevantly, the treatments. if you want to stick to therapy, i would suggest EMDR, it seems to have better outcomes for people dealing with trauma. for stuff you can do today, i would practice 4-7-8 breathing and yoga. down the line, i would recommend looking into neurofeedback. it helped me a ton. but i think breathing + yoga are sort of the slow, manual path that neurofeedback takes you down, and are worthwhile in their own respect

good luck in your journey, i hope you find this helpful. one day, may trauma be as easy to treat as any other condition humans can be afflicted with

All I can say from personal experience:

I had to find a therapist who specialized in cult survivors. The other ones I just traumatized. Keep searching if you haven't found the right fit for you.

Daily meditation helped me as much as the right meds did, and in a totally different way. The meds make it easier to meditate, but meditation let me become the kind of person who doesn't automatically react negatively to stimuli.

It takes 21-66 days to re-route neural pathways. So now that you've gotten a basic overview from reading the book, maybe picking one thing out of it to work and focus on for 2 months straight will help more than trying to juggle all of the tips simultaneously.

Emotional disregulation is a hard one. Have you seen examples irl of ppl reacting to things in a more regulated way that you can admire and emulate? If so, it might be cool to pretend for a minute that you are that person in that situation, reacting the way they did, and try it on for size, feel how different it is, and mentally practice in made up situations reacting with calmness.

Good luck 💜

Apologies if this breaks some rule, i'm on mobile so I can't read them.

if you really want to skip to the heart of things...just do lsd, it will show you who you are. with one very important caveat...if you have any repressed trauma serious PTSD etc. then don't, not everyone is ready to see themselves and if your not (and if you don't have good trip-hygiene, good setting/mood/company are key. and of course always test your drugs). hell, you can even find therapists out there that support dosing ontop of therapy sessions...asking therapist about this would be a good way to flush out the bad ones imo

and hell, if you don't feel up for a full trip (can last 8-10hrs) even just microdosing and going about your daily life will have you thinking through those same old stuck thoughts in a whole new way.

I dont know if it's any consolation but I was also disappointed in better help and also found that therapists are generally not good. Ive found the people who tell me to go therapy have either never been or are the kind of person who doesn't use critical thought frequently.

therapy doesn't change you.

you change you.

i've known people in therapy their entire lives. they don't want to change. they just use therapy as a means to further justify their shitty personalities.

think of it as if you wanted to run a marathon, but every time you ran three miles you gave up. but you kept telling yourself one day you will get there, but it's so hard and at mile three you give up. Then you decide marathon running is stupid and pointless and there is no way it you will ever be able to do it. This is what you are doing.

you can't run 26 miles if you can't run 5. it takes a long time to get there.

Do I have to go through 30 different therapists before I can find one that can help me?

In my experience, pretty much, yup. Most of them suck for one reason or another, most of the ones that don't suck aren't a good fit for you specifically, and most of the ones that are a good fit for you specifically are already booked up.

It's difficult to offer specific ideas, as we don't know what country you from. Based on the notion of 'insurance' I'm assuming the U.S.

I'm hearing a lot of frustration in your therapy journey, and there may be some confusion on the role of a therapist.

A licensed and trained therapist will have been trained in a method (Modality). This particular therapist seems to have a grounding in something that's person-centered adjacent. The theory in person-centered (outlined by Carl Rogers) is that it is the client who is best placed to know their own solutions.

The process works by exploring the world from a client's perspective, and helping them see and articulate solutions that will work for them. This type of therapy is useful for the broadest category of people when done well. It is not useful for everyone.

Emotional Disregulation, as you have described, has two primary sources.

1. Medical: a client cannot, on their own regularly their emotions due to issues with hormone production. This requires a doctor or a psychologist to diagnose.
2. Developmental Trauma: a client has been disempowered with emotional regulation during key development stages. It may be compounded by adverse experiences when showing emotion.

However, it can also be a mix of both, and one could be feeding the other.

A therapist is going to seek to help you explore your own self-understanding, to see which areas are a struggle, and help support a client towards readiness to change, and change itself.

You say in your writing that your looking at support in your job, I wonder if there's some anxiety there.

You also ask about tips on dealing with things. Those kind of responses are better supported with a more practical modality, CBT, DBT for example. These require practice, and repetition. Lots of repetition. It is no suprise, therefore, that your therapist revisits the same sections of a book.

I wonder, however, if the mixed use of person-centered and practical therapies is not functioning here in a useful way. I wonder if it would help to approach different therapy sessions seeking different outcomes. Exploring CBT/DBT with one, then to explore if there is anything underlying with another.

Generally, a client should only with with one therapist at a time, however.

I hear your frustration with the process, and the desire to moved forward. From your writing you've already taken the biggest step in finding therapy. Hopefully you can find a therapist that works for you.

Usually "get therapy" from an acquaintance means "I am completely in over my head and am unqualified to help with this". The tricky thing is that not only does not all types of therapy mesh with the same person but there are also a lot of shit therapists out there to muddy the waters even more. Some brainstormed ideas are: maybe find an actual phd psychologist and see if they are any better, look into group therapy (which was my first kind of therapy and my brother swears by it), and maybe take a basic psychology course to better understand what options there are out there.

You want your therapist to change you. You want your therapist to tell you the skills to make your life magically better...

Stop. Stop running away from your responsibilities. They don't get to tell you what to do. They don't get to control you. They aren't your master. With time and luck, they can help you find better ways of handling things, if you're seriously trying to make that happen, but that certainly isn't happening now.

It took years before I started to see actual results with my therapist. Not that she isn’t a good therapist, but sometimes you literally have to work through one tiny problem at a time until you’re actually changing your daily actions consistently across the board.

there is no right way to do therapy. you are open to it being useful and that would have been the only barrier. have you been direct with these therapists? this is your mental health. you are allowed to be an advocate for your needs. tell them you think this isn’t working for you and you’d prefer to talk skills building. you can tell a therapist when you’re not getting any use out of their current approach.

however, yes, unfortunately the mental health industry is underfunded and underpaid and therefore understaffed. there is a shortage because more and more people need therapy now than ever. you may have to cycle though a lot of bullshit before finding something truly worthwhile. it sucks and is unfair.

I’ve had a multitude of therapists in my life, and honestly it’s been a crap shoot of success; mostly crap.

But my current therapist is awesome. She’s not your traditional therapist, and if I’m being honest she’s not the type of person I would be interested in listening to for advice. That is to say that she and I are polar opposites with our personal belief systems. But, somehow, it works. We mutually respect each other. I don’t always agree with what she says, but I get what she is trying to say. And that’s what matters.

Listen for the intent, not the literal words. And if you feel your therapist and you aren’t vibing, find another therapist. It’s like dating. You’re not always going to match with someone. That’s okay. But staying with them because you don’t want the conflict of rejection, or the idea of starting over, is very wrong.

Slow down. Think about what you want from a therapist. Short of that, remember what has not worked for you in the past and use that as a guide going forward.

Gove them, and yourself, grace while you figure it out. I mean it when I sag there is no right or wrong answer here. Do what’s best for you.