Who would you rather shag, marry, or kill?
- Captain Hastings
- Detective Poirot
- Inspector Japp
this post was submitted on 29 Dec 2025
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You have to kill Poirot. Anyone else and you'd have him solving the murder.
Probably best to marry Hastings. He's the honourable sort, didn't come out of the war too shell shocked and just wants companionship. Plus he proposed to a lady in one episode so he's clearly ready. She turned him down but it did cheer her right up to be asked.
And Japp has a moustache...
Hastings is loyal to whoever is paying him attention. I can't count the number of times I've seen a murderer say something along the lines "I killed him because he looked at me funny", with Hastings then nodding sympathetically and adding "well naturally, anyone would"
Plus the moment any skirt walks into the room, it's like his eyes become dinner plates. I think you'd have a difficult marriage with him
He judges heavily through the lens of class, propriety, and “soundness” too.