"...our society is only pro-disability until you scratch the surface...[making] it inevitable that many people with disability become cornered and tired and silenced. From then on, it's a matter of applying common sense; people who are cornered and tired and silenced are often riddled with self doubt or self hatred. It takes time and a conscious effort of will to overcome those things...Without pride in ourselves we cannot create pride in those around us...Like becoming that person with multiple labels, goals and ambitions, becoming a better society for people with disability is not a one-shot process. It's going to take a long time and a lot of thought. The first step is to recognise all our contradictions, traumas and mistakes. The second step is to stop hating them."
- A Journey Towards Pride, Leah Hobson, Ramp Up, 11 June 2014
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Why is starting a conversation the hardest thing ever
There's someone at work I'm out to and have been wanting to talk to but I never can figure out what or how to message her. I've been thinking of messaging nearly every day for a month and I still am not happy with my ideas. I guess I don't even really know what I'm hoping to talk about. But then why do I have such a desire to talk with her. I mean it's because she's supportive I guess. Idk. Why is this so hard. Idk how to do this. No wonder I'm chronicly alone
Notice something about her and comment on it to get a conversation started?
Very relatable. Something I try to tell myself is that it doesn’t really matter what you say as a conversation starter, if she’s interested in talking to you and your message does not offend her then she’ll probably respond positively no matter the content of the message.
It’s easier if you know one of her interests and can play into that. For example if she mentioned a tv series before you can watch it and message her about that. Being direct and telling her you appreciate her supportiveness is also a good option!
I am so desperately lonely. I have people who have made themselves available for me to message. Why can I not find a way to conversate I'm happy with. That won't leave me feeling worse and aquward and feeling terrible for my attempt.
Do you have any shared interests or common ground that you think would be easier to talk about without any pressure? It's awesome that you want to connect with that person, and that they're supportive. I'm sure they'd be open to you taking an interest in them and getting to know each other more even if it feels awkward at first. It's impossible to know how it'll turn out if you don't give them a chance to respond. Anyone would be lucky to call you a friend.
I don't really know. I don't know her very well and she's older/in a much different stage of life then me. She probably would be but idk how to start a conversation like that or idk. I just don't know how to actually open a conversation with her about anything. But yea no real point of I know we have a shared interest or anything.
If only people would
Hello, friend, I'm happy to hear from you
As to your colleague, how about you start up the conversation with a simple "Hey, I just wanted to say thank you for being supportive" and if you feel like it, elaborate with a sentence or two what you're referring to in particular. Be honest, and be yourself because you are good the way you are. You can try this face to face or in a message, whatever makes you feel more comfortable. I'm sure she's gonna appreciate it and you.
It's okay, I wish I could tell you there was a script or a pattern to follow for these things.