this post was submitted on 06 Feb 2026
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Earlier this week my advisor was in an online meetings with the other RAs, I was doing other duties at the time, so I arrived late. He brought up a delay I guess I caused on a previous project (I don't recall anything that was particularly long, I think he may have been referring to me pointing out an issue with the math he would have preferred to ignore, but that could just be me being catty) and called my code 'messy' and said to not use my code, but instead use his vibe-coded script that gave better results (It was incorrect, surprise). Today he yelled at me for not getting some work done and I blew up at him, and recused myself from the project (today was the deadline to submit the paper, so that was kind of a dick move).

Now that I am less angry and thinking more clearly, I can't help but think that this is a massive break of professional decorum, and breaks my trust in him entirely. I don't feel that I can really trust him to write proper reviews of my work or be relied upon as a reference.

Am I correct in feeling this way, or am I overreacting?

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[–] came_apart_at_Kmart@hexbear.net 24 points 2 weeks ago

academia is the #2 institution for bullying, only beaten by the military. completely terrible humans are given enormous institutional power to field teams with little or no oversight. administration's overarching directive is to protect the reputation of the institution, so they will throw grad students under the bus en masse unless there's a viral video of their little lordling having sex with their direct reports.

i would absolutely find another advisor and jump ship. and talk to that potential advisors current / former advisees before you start negotiating, because you need the new one to work out. and don't leave your current until you have your landing sorted out. and don't let on that you're leaving until its all sorted out.

the longer you try to stick it out, the harder its going to be to leave, and the more awful shit they'll be able to get away with as their control over your future reaches a crescendo.

i saw some of the most unbelievably unprofessional conduct, re: bullying, tolerated in the academy. i was non-traditional and had a whole ass career and career change before going to school, so i wasn't some impressionable kid that could be lead to believe things like this were normal in the workplace. i could find my rabbi, compartmentalize, and navigate the minefield of sadistic careerists and toxic losers to find the pockets of cool people doing cool shit and collaborating with them or just hanging out and sharing ideas.

so much cruel behavior was tolerated. even by completely low performing, incompetent junior faculty. the institution just ignores these toxic people until they get so radioactive they make the news, hoping it will all just go away in its own right up until they have to step in. meanwhile, countless multitudes of aspiring young scientists are ground up and spit out and trampled all over for literally no reason.

i left after a decade and have been in the unionized public sector for a few years now. it isn't a utopia, but it is a completely different professional culture and its taken a long time to unwind the trauma of seeing that kind of shit happen routinely.