I'm so sorry for coming onto this platform to vent about my failures as a student organizer, I've spoken to irl comrades and created a plan, but I want to hear more advice.
I am a senior in high school in the US. I have been facing persecution from my administration for over 3 years now (since freshman year) over sexual assault and Palestine. Recently, a (white liberal) girl at my school organized a school walkout from class against ICE. She wanted to do it again. I helped her.
I provided all the resources: graphic design, sound system (speakers megaphones mics), armbands, masks, media presence (photography and videography). I did the majority of the work to plan this walkout (was planned to be this Friday)
Admin was all right with her planning a walkout the first time around, protesting ICE actions. However, I gave a speech at that walkout. I vocally supported socialism, was covered in a Keffiyeh with Palestinian flags, and extended US repression to US imperialism and Zionism, and screamed to not retrain ICE but to entirely abolish ICE and the whole system, to the cheers and support from the 100+ students who attended the walkout.
Admin changed their tune. The walkout, due to me and my comrades, gained national attention. Admin became scared.
This other girl "planning" the walkout (in air quotes because I did all the work) collaborated with a liberal student organization that adamantly was against the abolishment of ICE (just stop a few "bad officers") and wanted to hold walkouts across the state during lunch to make it as easy as possible for administration.
I told her let's plan the walkout during class anyways, we need to take a stand. She agreed with me throughout the whole process for weeks. I told her to put out a poll where 200+ students voted, with an overwhelmingly majority saying to hold the walkout during class, not lunch, and to not cave to admin demands.
She went behind my back on Monday. She met with admin, entirely capitulated to their demands without even notifying me, and kicked me from our joint social media account for the walkout and blocked me on it. She initially lied to me and said she just had to change the password and Instagram was being glitchy and that's why I couldn't sign back in. When I asked why I can no longer see the profile even on my personal account, she lied and said it must be a glitch when in reality she had blocked me. She told me she agrees with my opinion to hold the walkout during lunch and not capitulate to admin. She promised me she'd take down her post switching the time to lunch, and promised she'd reupload the correct time, but made sure I couldn't access the account so I couldn't do it myself.
Despite the outrage from students asking why she capitulated to admin, she did not care. She told me we can talk it out during school on Tuesday, when in reality she was planning on skipping that day anyways and knew she wouldn't be there. When I texted her for why she's gone, she told me flat out she will listen to admin and she refuses to listen to me.
I was enraged. I realized white liberals will never see the value in our labor, and they will have no problem siphoning the labor and resources of POCs and get away with stealing it and forcing us to take the fall.
So I pulled out. I told her she will not get my resources anymore, and she should be ashamed of herself for behaving this way when Iranian children are coming home from school in body bags.
She was never very supportive of my vocality for Palestine and anti-imperialism. We were friends before, and she told me "I always saw the things you were protesting for with Palestine and what was happening in the news, but I don't know anything so I don't want to say anything or bother with it."
So I decided, why should this white liberal or my sexist, Zionist administration tell the students what to do? They were not only unilaterally going against me, but what the student body wanted. I have support, this isn't like the time right after October 7th when I was a political taboo, people support me now.
So I created a separate account and announced that no matter what, if students still want a class walkout, it will happen no matter what admin says.
Admin has harassed me and my parents until 8pm today.
My parents and I have a complex relationship, and so initially they lashed out due to fear from trauma that admin gave them the last three years, harassing all of us non stop due to my experiences being sexually assaulted and demanding justice and being a firm advocate for Palestine. I have been hysterically sobbing all afternoon.
I took down the posts announcing the walkout. My family told admin this, and that since we have listened to their demands, there is no need for a meeting tomorrow.
Instead, admin demanded that I meet them first thing in the morning tomorrow before school even starts, for no other reason than to harass me.
They are also demanding that I send them photographic proof of a post officially announcing a cancellation to the walk out, by the end of this evening.
I want to just curl into a ball and cry until I shrivel up. I am so exhausted. Last time admin had a problem with my politics, they weaponized my history of sexual assault to force me to be silent about Palestine, and they weaponized my medical history (I was hospitalized in middle school due to a suicide attempt) to threaten mental institutionalization if I don't stop talking about Palestine. I'm so scared for tomorrow (ig it's 12am so today technically), I'm so scared I'm going to have to relive my assault and my traumatic time in the hospital, I don't know what to do, I'm completely alone.
I don't know anything anymore.
I feel like I've done nothing. All this struggle and failure from me and Palestine is being sieged, bombs are raining on Iranian hospitals, Israel is ethnically cleansing Lebanon, Cuba is under blockade, Venezuela's sovereign leader is in shackles while Epstein pedos walk free, men and women are committing suicide in US concentration camps, and I can't even stand up against admin.
I'm a failure of a comrade.
What does "a kind of MAD" mean?
And yeah I wish I could've actually gotten them nationally humiliated for how they treated me over Palestine (their list of bs included but were not limited to: threatening expulsion, permanent records, filing me for harassment, also pulling me from class with security officers, weaponizing my SA and medical history of suicide, opening administrative investigations on me, harassing my chronically ill mother, trying to mandate me going to a crisis center institution for mental hysteria) but like my area was crazy Zionist until like late 2025 (if you can defend genocide for only so long)
People are mad at admin. Like really mad at admin and this white kid who backstabbed me. I just don't know how to translate that into movement.
Thank you comrade
To add a bit of practical advice, I would recommend audio recording your conversations with admin. Their harassment is truly unethical, and any reasonable person would be appalled by the evidence. You don't have to release the audio (especially if your state makes it illegal), but it may still prove useful for MAD.
Ah unfortunately I think that would actually get me expelled and kicked out of my home 😭😭 that one MAY be out of my scope of possibilities 😭 but I appreciate your advice comrade!!
Like, mutually assured destruction, as in if they try to use this against you you can threaten to blow this up and create a ton of bad press and a huge headache for everyone involved. I'm not exactly sure how that could be done, though.
If you do plan on going that route, though, I think something like this could blow up on social media. If you feel that it's reached that stage, it might be worth a shot to try to create some social media attention/outrage. if you'd like you could dm me any materials on social media your group has about the situation, and I could try to get some friends to post it on instagram/twitter whatever for visibility, but there's no guarantee it could work.