this post was submitted on 23 Mar 2026
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Chapotraphouse
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ITT: further evidence that all cis men on this side need to do serious self crit, no exceptions.
agreed. Hexbear needs more transfeminism.
it’s a good thing she didn’t do that then, the issue you and others seem to have is unexamined transmisogyny. it is legitimately vile that you think ‘transvestigating’, the word for trying to strip a woman of dignity and respect for being trans, is applicable to discussing whether someone is trans. why is it disrespectful to the dead to call them a woman, but not disrespectful to call them a man? are we really doing tokenism about “trans voices” when the tone of the thread is split almost perfectly by pronoun tags?
disengage plus an argument doesn’t count, but i’m sure it would eat at you to not be able to get your last word. i also asked several questions, not just one, but i guess it’s easier to change the subject, right?
your words, for the record: “I find doing transvestigations on unconsenting people bizarre regardless of the motivation
If you don’t see how absolutely out of pocket it is to post-hoc unilaterally decide that a dead person was in “denial” about their gender identity then I just don’t think we can find agreement on this tbh.
I’m not even saying you’re wrong about what Bushnell’s identity was btw.”
the actual, direct phenomenon you claim to be bothered by is some of us calling the dead a woman, because you are so blinded by cisheteronormativity that you think it’s offensive. the fancy words are cute, but talking about the words and actions of a person when they were alive isn’t post hoc, and multiple people presenting different arguments for something actually isn’t unilateral. i have already described why calling this ‘transvestigation’ is inappropriate. i have no doubt whatsoever that you find evidence of transfem lives to be ‘out of pocket’, but you could at least have the decency to own your position.
I’m disengaging
Trans people are very capable of being transmisogynistic - it's not like internalized misogyny is very uncommon, so why would internalized transmisogyny be?
This point means nothing and is frankly over aggro and comes off as telling on yourself. She didn't say everyone was transphobic, she said they need to do self crit, which is not in any way the same thing.
How about you fuck off back to Stupidpolgrad, jackass? Thanks for even further showing your ass, as if the 'grotesque' statement didn't. Also, I said transmisogyny, not transphobia, do you even know what transmisogyny is?
Internalized transmisogyny led me to undergo decades of being unable to accept my self and it wasn't till I spent many years around yall, and to give credit where due, seeing both contrapoints and Abigail Thorne transition to get where I am today and that is still mostly in the closet to all but like 5 people irl.
Living in the closet is stifling. I hope one day you can live freely as yourself.
If you read the interactions in this thread it’s heavily implied that comrades who think speculating about the gender identity of a dead person is disrespectful are engaging in transphobia. I didn’t mean to come across “aggro”.
"I'm just calmly reinforcing cisnormativity here, why are all these women getting so upset at me?"
One can engage in transphobic behavior without being transphobic as a person. As I said, internalized transmisogyny is not uncommon.
For the record, every single trans woman I've ever told about Lilly's accounts and situation immediately identified her as a trans woman that was partially in the closet, as is very common for us especially when we're in situations where we cannot feasibly transition.
I am bigender, not a transgender woman, but only using a certain name and pronouns on certain websites is something I do.
As mentioned elsewhere in this thread, I go by Alice on some websites (e.g. Tumblr, BlueSky) but not all (my Instagram, WhatsApp etc are still under my legal name)
I think it’s fairly obvious that Bushnell was genderqueer if not a transgender woman. I don’t see what other evidence one could need other than her explicitly listing her pronouns as she/her on multiple platforms.
Yes, at bare minimum I agree with you - I am bigender myself, by the way, though definitely a trans woman first - but overall when picturing the whole situation it really seems to me like she was partially in the closet, the fact that she was in the military and was raised in a weird christian cult makes that idea, at least to all the trans women I've personally told about this, even more clear and obvious.
Obviously there's no smoking gun, but I think there is more than enough reason to come to that conclusion on her. Some of the strong pushback here is probably because, even if she was just genderqueer or non-physically-transitioning bigender or whatever, it seems very clear to me that most of the people (not you) arguing strongly against this in this thread are never calling to call her a her or call her Lilly and are arguing this point as an excuse to continue using he/him and 'Aaron' exclusively. Whether they know that or not, as internalized transmisogyny is quite rampant.
Definitely. I wasn’t arguing she was more likely to be bigender, I think I probably could have worded my post better (I’m running on fuck all sleep today). Was just saying that she was almost certainly not cis either way.
The fact that she only used her legal name on LinkedIn and Facebook (which are much less anonymous platforms than say Tumblr) would suggest she was closeted in her personal life, it is not an argument to suggest that she had changed her mind or, as that one Reddit thread seemed to be suggesting, was just taking the piss for whatever reason.
Your line of argument here is "saying somebody may have been a trans woman is disrespectful". At the same time, you seriously claim to not be transphobic. And no, you do not come across as aggro, you come off as somebody engaging in transmisogyny with all the calm, self-confidence and absolute belief to be in the right that is typical for transmisogynists in a society hell-bent on exterminating us.