this post was submitted on 26 Mar 2026
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Hi friends. Is it fucked up to flirt with someone with no intention of taking it further? I'm in a long-term monogamous relationship. Sometimes I crave a little validation from strangers. I'm not going to cheat on my partner, but I do have a need to feel desirable to others. I don't feel like a bit of flirting is a betrayal of my relationship, but I'm less confident about how other people feel. Like, I don't want to waste someone else's time, but I guess maybe I am leading people on a bit if I chat with them without mentioning my partner.

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[โ€“] Dirt_Possum@hexbear.net 3 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

the social purpose of flirting is to signal potential interest

Who are you to say what the social purpose of some widespread human activity is? I have to agree with SerialExperientsGay, that sentence reeks of incel "philosophy." Maybe to someone else the social purpose of flirtation is to engage in a lighthearted and enjoyable way of helping people feel better about themselves and each other without risking the many emotional and physical dangers of a relationship or sexual encounter. To me, and to anyone I've ever met irl, including people I have flirted with both as the one who initiated it and as the one that started on the receiving end of it, OP is not misusing it at all, they're doing it exactly as countless people have across different cultures.

[โ€“] Le_Wokisme@hexbear.net 1 points 12 hours ago

euphemistic interaction is developed when forthrightness is taboo or dangerous. there's discourse about it not being safe to be forward in feminist literature, i don't understand where the incel jacketing is coming from.

if we didn't have slutshaming culture and men would reliably take no for an answer we wouldn't have invented the shitty neurotypical verbal dance.