this post was submitted on 26 Mar 2026
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Flirting (lemmy.ml)
submitted 22 hours ago by electric_nan@lemmy.ml to c/askchapo@hexbear.net
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Hi friends. Is it fucked up to flirt with someone with no intention of taking it further? I'm in a long-term monogamous relationship. Sometimes I crave a little validation from strangers. I'm not going to cheat on my partner, but I do have a need to feel desirable to others. I don't feel like a bit of flirting is a betrayal of my relationship, but I'm less confident about how other people feel. Like, I don't want to waste someone else's time, but I guess maybe I am leading people on a bit if I chat with them without mentioning my partner.

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[–] Le_Wokisme@hexbear.net 1 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

OP is describing a situation where there is no potential. i have said in multiple other comments that good-faith flirting has no obligation to continue.

the only thing some of us are asking is for people to not initiate from false pretenses.

[–] Demifriend@hexbear.net 1 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

There is no false pretense. It does not matter if they never intended to advance beyond that flirting, that does not make it bad-faith behavior. Your entire grievance with the OP is that you feel you are owed a chance with someone because they are flirting with you, and they don't owe you that at all.

[–] Le_Wokisme@hexbear.net 1 points 2 hours ago

OP literally says

but I guess maybe I am leading people on a bit if I chat with them without mentioning my partner.

i think we owe eachother honesty and decency and acting, for personal gain, indistinguishable from someone who is potentially interested is dishonest at a minimum, and up to cruel depending on how far it's taken before the ulterior motive is revealed.

you feel you are owed a chance with someone because they are flirting with you, and they don't owe you that at all.

no, i'm not interested in hookups anyway, and covid means i will never be in a position to be flirted with for the rest of my life or the existence of the united states, whichever ends first. this is about how people treat eachother and what OP described is emotional advantage-taking.