Technology

Now now now, ladies and gentlemen, I'm just a simple country lawyer, and I sure love me some mashed potatoes. I love mashed potatoes; I eat them every day. I love mashed potatoes so much that, hell, I'll have them with anything. I also love my gun, but I wouldn't eat my gum! Hold for laughter Now what if I had mashed potatoes with my gun? Not like picks up revolver from displayed evidence and pantomimes using it as a fork, putting the barrel all up in his mouth. Jury roars with laughter. No. Imagine that I'm stuffing my mashed potatoes into this gun! There's mashed potatoes in the barrel, mashed potatoes in the chambers, mashed potatoes gunking up the cylinder and hammer... Do you think this gun will fire? Of course not! I could point my mashed potato gun at anyone in this court muzzle sweeps the jury, and no one would even flinch. How could something that can be defeated by MASHED POTATOES be dangerous? Hell, how could a person holding such an impotent device have any sense of danger? Have you ever killed anybody with mashed potatoes? Have YOU?? We all know that opposing counsel's argument that my client "intentionally shot, at point blank" my client's own best friend. A best friend is someone you eat mashed potatoes with! Not murder and then "steal" their suspiciously unopened Star Wars memorabilia... This is why you need to return a verdict of "guilty" and award my client $50 million from the so-called "victim's" family for psychological and emotional damages, as well as the cost of selflessly grinding up and eating his best friend's body to save the family funeral costs. The prosecution rests.