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this post was submitted on 23 Jun 2023
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Absolutely.
Discovering that I was trans was the start of a long journey for me -- one that I'm not very proud of how it started, with suppressing it for the first decade or so out of fear of losing the people and things I cared most about. But I'm here now, I'm out, I'm transitioning, and I honestly had no idea that life could feel this good.
Definitely feel it on the suppression front. I remember "figuring it out" when I was around 12, when I'd first heard of being trans, and knowing that that was me, and that I needed to shove it down as deep as possible because of what everyone said about trans people. I didn't really start coming out as nb until I was maybe 24, and now it's just amazing to live in a new place with new people who all know me as I really am. I'm so much happier now 🥺
I know it's not the case everywhere, but I also am so amazed at how different things are for kids/teens nowadays. I felt like a freak that had to hide forever so no one could learn my horrible secret. Now, there are people I knew as babies who are out, and their friends celebrate them so authentically. Being out in high school was unimaginable to me; it's really beautiful to see that things are so different. Things are getting better socially (even if politically they're still a dumpster fire), and it gives me hope for the future.
Okay, maybe it was closer to two decades when I think about it 😅
Felt some dysphoric feelings when I was young, didn't realize that it could be gender related til I was at least 20 or so, didn't actually come out and start transitioning until 38... oops
The 90's and 00's weren't the best for representation of what "trans" is.
For sure. There are so many examples of shitty depictions of trans people from that time, but for some reason, the one that specifically really stuck with me was the movie Click - probably because it was one of the only depictions of FtM people I'd seen in media, like, ever, at the time. It reinforced the idea that if I was trans, that would be a horrible thing, and I could never let anybody know.
I'm so glad that things are so completely different now; the depictions of trans people in media now are so varied and there are many really positive ones, and it's really lovely to see the trans pride flag out and about. Being a transphobe is popular among shitheads, but it's much more uncool than back then; if you're openly a transphobe nowadays, most people probably hate dealing with you.