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submitted 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) by ComradeCmdrPiggy@hexbear.net to c/chapotraphouse@hexbear.net

So for those of you unaware, last night someone claiming to be a long-time poster confessed to being in a sexual + romantic relationship with what turned out to be a minor 15 years his junior. (Here is the post for additional context.) Several people - myself included - failed to immediately condemn the relationship and in fact sympathized with OP and put blame on the kid for lying to and manipulating OP (who claimed to be unaware of the kid's actual age until the cops told him), completely ignoring the fact that a 15-year-old cannot consent to such a relationship. Even if he jumps through a bunch of hoops to illegally get into a kink space and fabricates an of-majority-age persona in order to get with a much older man. In my own case, I believe that my own perception of the situation - not helped by OP's way of telling the story - was warped such that the sexual side of the relationship was sidelined in favor of the more emotional side, as well as having an incorrect perception of consent as it pertains to teenagers going in. Either way, I admit that my gut reaction was wrong both legally and probably morally, and that I clearly have much to learn about consent and sexual laws and norms (from harassment to rape.)

My recommendation to the mod team would be to permaban all people whose first reaction was to side with OP (yes, including me), and have a stern discussion with the site about the gravity and absoluteness of consent, especially with respect to children and teenagers (to cover the rest of your asses.) Advice on further steps to be taken would also be appreciated.

Shout-out to u/BeamBrain for shaming me and setting me straight. I hope the few others who sided with OP have also come to realize the error of their ways.

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[-] aaro@hexbear.net 23 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

yeah that was a super dicey situation yikes-1yikes-3

I was there, my only contribution was as neutral as I could make it, but I'm truly not sure that was the right way to engage. The main issue in my mind is as follows: it's clearly a morally wrong act that OP committed, but it's also morally wrong (and not constructive) to dogpile a person expressing suicidal ideation and also having recently attempted suicide, for something they knew was wrong and did through poor choices/ignorance and not malice (not an excuse, but background that should inform the response).

Separate from the response to this incident, I think we might need to examine the rules of /c/mentalhealth and maybe the site as a whole in regards to talking about questionably illegal or fully illegal activities. While it's nice to have a space where people can talk about their deeply troubling personal issues with a sympathetically leftist cohort, that post and the engagement it got was really a lot for the community to deal with, and might even attract undue law enforcement/fed eyes on hexbear in the near future. That post was also potentially in violation of comm rule 1, "We are not a crisis service."

[-] ComradeCmdrPiggy@hexbear.net 16 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I think we might need to examine the rules of /c/mentalhealth and maybe the site as a whole in regards to talking about questionably illegal or fully illegal activities

No shit, especially when it comes to egregious stuff like that.

might even attract undue law enforcement/fed eyes on hexbear in the near future

That's why I'm advocating for an extremely harsh response, even at my own expense. (Including bringing up the possibility of turning ourselves in.) Also, our enemies elsewhere on Lemmy and on Reddit would love to know about this incident and use it to smear not only Hexbear but also communism as a whole and the non-binary (read: trans) community. Given that the original post is still up after 24 hours, I wouldn't be surprised if some frothingfash has already detected blood in the water.

[-] aaro@hexbear.net 40 points 10 months ago

I appreciate your proactive action here but I deeply strongly advocate against anyone turning themselves in over this - one, because if we don't want fed eyes on hexbear, we should really avoid someone going to the alphabet boys and saying "hey I did a sex crime on this communist message board", and two, because no commenter committed a sex crime. It's not a sex crime to write words of support to someone in crisis for mahing a shitty non-malicious choice that they regret deeply enough to attempt suicide over. Might be illustrative of a need to self crit, but definitely not any form of crime.

And besides, we're about rehabilitative justice here. If we genuinely believe that, we know that the rehabilitation we can do ourselves with a struggle session about it is more than the rehabilitation that will be given by anyone turning themselves over to the feds over what amounts to far less than what the average NSFW artist probably has public on twitter

[-] CA0311@hexbear.net 22 points 10 months ago

turning yourselves in to who? for what?

this post was submitted on 05 Dec 2023
51 points (100.0% liked)

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