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wish me luck so i dont lose my job
(hexbear.net)
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Those testclear kits are legit, the only thing you need to worry about is the temp. Bring a thermometer and check the temp yourself, as long as it's between 90-100F you're good. If it's too cold and you can't warm it up, wait in the bathroom for 5 minutes and say you had trouble peeing. Worse case scenario they'll have you retest.
If you are doing this balloon shit you also have to be careful. They only give you a limited amount of time before they will knock on the door and tell you to come out. I did the balloon shit once, brought a thumb tack, but got stuck in this awful situation where the hole was too fucking small but poking more or squeezing the balloon harder might make it burst. They told me I had to leave the bathroom whether or not I had a sample. I just barely pulled it off by the skin of my ass. I had to smuggle the balloon back out, half-full of piss with a pinhole in it.
Practice this shit at home with tap water. Also, get one of those toe warmers (like the hand warmers, but adhesive) and stick it to your undies to help keep the temperature up.