chapotraphouse

My wife told me about that meme question something like last week and I'd pretty much forgotten about it.

I forget sometimes how people can't step outside of themselves and see things from a more "big picture" or systemic perspective and get stuck personalizing the issue with a need to turn into a debate bro about it.

The lingering parts of patriarchy are the hardest to dismantle. Like I try real hard to not use sexist words but then I see a guy whine on the jobsite "oh what a b-" and I gotta catch myself. I'd never call a woman that word but that instinct is still there when I see a man who can't hack it. It's dumb but it's a real struggle to unlearn it.

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It's sad, because when I see it I know that when I was younger, I wouldn't have been as rabid as right wing weirdos, but I would've 'gone to bat' and been all contrarian about it, pointing out how 'actually the comparison isn't valid' and so on... And in my own head I never meant it badly, but I sort of knew I was a misogynist at the same time? It's weird, the contradictions our brains are able to reconcile.

In some ways it comforts me that I and many others 'escape', but that was in a time of a very sexist undercurrent, with corners of the internet being true 'incel' shit. These days with all the manfluencers, it's not just Steven Crowder or whoever the fuck that no one who's touched grass knows about. It's shit that 'normal' people engage with more often. That said, I think things are marginally better now - there's some things you really 'cant say' anymore. But there's a lot you can, and I sometimes get the feeling we could be sliding backwards.

Furthermore, although I escaped, there's always a holdover. I think a lot of people escape rabid sexism, but don't continue to critique from there, because the world is so sexist in general. It's not hard to be less sexist than most men, while at the same time being very sexist.

I’d like to apologize for my own bad takes and ignorance. I’m trying to piece apart my thoughts on it and why I have so much trouble with this one. I’ve read through replies to my comments and other effort posts in the comments multiple times.

Threads about women will reliably bring a weird misogynist or two out of the woodwork. I have come to view it as a cleaning-out exercise since the mods seem to be very good abt it.

Would chose over a man or any other type of bear, sorry not sorry.