Your wife seems depressed. Try to get therapy for her.

Hey, while I agree with the others that it could be depression, there are a number of things that could be going on, but all of them are mental health related. I hope you're in a country that has at least started to take mental health seriously. Could be codependent attachment, or ADHD, etc... you should definitely get her professional help. You could offer to go to couples counseling to ease her into it without making it feel like you're attacking her. Say you feel like you're struggling with communicating in your relationship and you'd like the two of you to see a counselor to help figure that out. If you find a good therapist they should recognize that's there's an issue with your wife and possibly suggest individual counseling as well. Good luck!

I've been on both sides of this dynamic. While it can be summed up as depression, I want to put it in the words I felt: Her world feels very small right now. Because it is very small. And she's holding on to what little remains of it that isn't inside her own head.

The solution is "simple": The depression needs to end. I'm not the one to tell you how this can be achieved for her, but I can tell you what worked for me:

1. Does she realize that she's depressed? I sure as shit didn't. And that only made ut gradually worse.
2. What does she like to do? It wouldn't surprise me if "nothing" is the current answer, but is there any hobbies, old or new, that she could pick up (again)?

What do you do together ?

You're not responsible for all of your partner's feelings and needs, only for supporting them as they work through theirs (she may need therapy). Have you talked to her about how this or asked her what's going on? Is she silently or openly pressuring you to put all the focus on her, or are you just fixated on it in your head? Have you had a real conversation about what each of you need in the house and in the relationship? It is not healthy to feel like you don't have your own life, but it's hard to tell without more info how that pattern started and why. She may have something going on that she needs help with, a conversation might fix it, or this might just be what she's like. If you truly feel better without her, you may not be compatible. But if you want to stay with her, talk to her about how you feel and what you need, and ask her what she needs. Communication is key.

I can’t comment on the depression thing that others have mentioned. You’ll know if that rings true for your situation or not.

I’m gonna say something to you that someone had to say to me once: she really likes you. That may explain why she enjoys spending time with her.

The other day I was asking my SO “what’s the highest compliment a woman could be paid by their partner”? She responded “it would be ‘I really enjoy spending time with you’”. I realized in that moment that while I have tons of fun playing video games, watching shows, or even just sitting alone by my self, she really enjoys being around me and spending time together. It’s how she’s wired.

And even more than that, because I’m “her man”, even when she’s out and about with other friends, her experience would be enhanced if I were out with her.

This changed me in a couple of ways.

1. I invite her to kill time with me in the same room even if we’re doing different things (I know you already do this)
2. I am intentional about holding off on some of my preferred “alone” time to do an activity with her because I know she will really enjoy it.
3. I intentionally take time for myself to do things that recharge me without her. (Long gaming sessions, watching a tv series, taking a night in while she’s got plans with friends, scheduling a drink/meal with one of my friends).

Beyond the above, I think it’s important to acknowledge that the guilt you experience when you turn her down is coming from inside yourself. It may be worth talking about it with a wise friend or (better yet) a therapist (which is something helpful that I did). You may have a habit of taking too much responsibility for the wellness of others.

Congrats on having a person who really loves you! For introverts like us, being around someone all the time makes those rare moments when we’re alone truly euphoric. However, I can tell you from experience that the “alone time” gets old reeeeeal quick when it’s unlimited.

Help her make friends and find a hobby. You can start by going on couples dates with work acquaintances and what not, eventually maybe your wife will find someone she likes to see without you around.

For hobbies, you know her best. Sounds like she has low confidence so a bit of encouragement will probably go a long way. Signing her up for hobby classes let's her make friends as well.

Is there any reason why she doesn't have a job? That is a big social experience. A job could help give purpose, and give opportunity to develop skills.

The suggestion of joining a sports league is a good one my wife and I play volleyball with some of her work friends and their spouses. Gets us together weekly to chat catch up, have a few drinks. It's been wonderful for getting us out of the house.

Hopefully you can find something to help your wife become more independent.