this post was submitted on 05 May 2025
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SOURCE - https://brightwanderer.tumblr.com/post/681806049845608448

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I think a lot about how we as a culture have turned “forever” into the only acceptable definition of success.

Like... if you open a coffee shop and run it for a while and it makes you happy but then stuff gets too expensive and stressful and you want to do something else so you close it, it’s a “failed” business. If you write a book or two, then decide that you don’t actually want to keep doing that, you're a “failed” writer. If you marry someone, and that marriage is good for a while, and then stops working and you get divorced, it’s a “failed” marriage.

The only acceptable “win condition” is “you keep doing that thing forever”. A friendship that lasts for a few years but then its time is done and you move on is considered less valuable or not a “real” friendship. A hobby that you do for a while and then are done with is a “phase” - or, alternatively, a “pity” that you don’t do that thing any more. A fandom is “dying” because people have had a lot of fun with it but are now moving on to other things.

| just think that something can be good, and also end, and that thing was still good. And it’s okay to be sad that it ended, too. But the idea that anything that ends is automatically less than this hypothetical eternal state of success... I don’t think that’s doing us any good at all.

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[–] Echolynx@lemmy.zip 8 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

I do think it betrays society's lack of present-focused mindfulness. I've had a handful of friendships that I thought would go on to be quite strong and longlasting, but they fizzled out after a while. That's not to say they were bad or failed friendships. I'm grateful for the time I experienced with them.

[–] orcrist@lemm.ee 7 points 1 week ago

I totally disagree with your characterization. I can come up with dozens of examples of how people don't think that the goal is "forever". That's not to say that you're lying, if you feel it then no doubt your feelings are genuine, but I don't think your feelings are a good reflection of contemporary society at large.

[–] DicJacobus@lemmy.world 7 points 1 week ago

"If you're not growing. You're dying "

[–] trslim@pawb.social 6 points 1 week ago

"Something isn's beautiful because it lasts forever." - some robot

[–] Zink@programming.dev 6 points 1 week ago

Such a good way to put it. And I have focused on something similar for myself. Literally everything is temporary.

I tend to be a planner, a saver, the person who never uses consumable items in games, and the person who will avoid using an item they like so that it will last longer.

It’s helped me allow myself to enjoy today more, and spend more of my time doing things I want to be doing.

[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

This is actually rather poignant.

By this standard, "successful" companies simply haven't failed yet.

It's standard that in human experience, we will fail at things. It happens, it happens often, and it will continue to happen. Failing at something is the first step. Without failure, how would we ever know how to "succeed"?

This doesn't, and shouldn't, imply that we are bad at a thing, or that we can't become good at it, or that we should give up and stop trying. It also doesn't and shouldn't imply that we should continue to try. "Failure" is just an outcome, whether that is good or bad is entirely up to the viewer to decide.

I would argue that failure is simply a mental/social concept. Things simply happen. "Success" or "failure" is entirely dependent on those who had some interest in what specifically happened. Even if you're trying to achieve a specific outcome, whether you do or not is entirely inconsequential. You tried to achieve an outcome by doing x, y, or z, and then a, b, and c occurred. Whether a, b, and c are the outcome that was desired or not is not a consequence that the universe cares about.

So much of this is simply social constructs.

[–] angrystego@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I agree with you that failure can be viewed as something natural and even positive in many cases. But the text was more about branding anything that doesn't last as a failure. It suggests that the fact that something has an ending doesn't necessarily mean it was a failure, even though it is often labled as such.

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This.

I would rather have things to end and turn into good memories, rather than having it turn to shit.

[–] AnarchistArtificer@slrpnk.net 5 points 2 weeks ago
[–] Korhaka@sopuli.xyz 5 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Depends on the situation, marriage is something I would see as for life so that absolutely is a failure. The business it would depend, if you are bankrupt that is a failure but if you choose to sell it as you are not enjoying it any more than that is more comparable to retirement.

[–] balsoft@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 week ago

Depends on the situation

I would say rather it depends on the mode of "failure".

marriage is something I would see as for life so that absolutely is a failure

Nah, people can change a lot even within a couple of years, let alone their entire lives. Sometimes it just so happens that people are no longer compatible, or grow bored of each other, whatever. What I would consider a failed marriage is if it was abusive from the start or otherwise made one of the spouses unhappy, or if it ended because of some gross misconduct (cheating, domestic violence, etc). If a marriage was fun for a while and ends amicably I'd say it's a success overall. Consider the alternative: the marriage becomes a chore, spouses start to hate each other and be miserable, but continue living together just because "marriage is for life"? That's exactly what I call a failed marriage, not one which ended on good terms.

if you are bankrupt that is a failure

If you are bankrupt because you did some stupid/illegal shit, then yeah. If the circumstances changed to the point that the business couldn't continue being profitable, it's totally fine to downsize or even close the business. If you performed some services or sold some goods that made people happy for a while it is a success. Once again, consider the alternative: the business is no longer profitable but you continue running it, paying out of pocket?

[–] aceshigh@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

I don’t think it’s personal failure if it entails people/places/things you cannot control. You cannot control the economy, so if it goes belly up and you file for bankruptcy it isn’t your personal failure. You cannot control your partner, so if they start being abusive, it’s not your personal failure to leave them. I think success is being able to adapt to what you can’t control, and failure is not living in reality and trying to make fetch happen.

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[–] Default_Defect@midwest.social 4 points 1 week ago

We also don't need to see failure as a wholly bad thing. If your hypothetical business closes down because you couldn't afford to keep it open, it DID fail, but if it ended up making your mental health better to not have all that stress, then it lead to a good thing.

Maybe I'm too realist and literal.

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