this post was submitted on 25 May 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 142 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (3 children)

Fake. Anon managed to not get bitten.
Gay. Snake charmer is clearly a euphemism.

[–] entwine413@lemm.ee 43 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

There's a museum or something I went to once where they had a kinda game.

There was a button and two lights. The game was to hold down the button, then release it when the light turned on.

If you weren't faster than a rattle snake, the other light turned on saying you died.

No one was fast enough.

[–] match@pawb.social 11 points 3 weeks ago

Newtype testing device

[–] tauren@lemm.ee 40 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Gay. Snake charmer is clearly a euphemism.

Lmao. I vote each greentext repost should come with the best fake & gay comment. It's like a desert.

More like an oasis.

[–] nebulaone@lemmy.world 21 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Humans are the best animal when it comes to exerting movement forces on objects (throwing, rotating, etc.), so I am not sure about not being bitten. Can't argue about the euphemism, though.

Edit: I am probably wrong, see other reply. He might have taken it by surprise, though.

[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 24 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Well he only realised it's a snake after grabbing it so methinks both were surprised.

[–] nebulaone@lemmy.world 10 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

I think you're right. Man I wish this story was true. Sorry snake.

Edit: Although the snake would have still had to

  1. Realize it was grabbed
  2. Turn head around
  3. Identify target
  4. Attack
[–] Tropper@lemm.ee 20 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Snakes apparently have a reaction time of 30 to 50 milliseconds, while the average human has a reaction time of 200 milliseconds. The snake would have bitten him and ran away before he would have had the opportunity to lift it from the ground.

[–] FooBarrington@lemmy.world 18 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Reaction time != time to strike in this situation. The snake would first have to assess the situation - say you picked it up so the head points away, it would either have to launch it's upper body up vertically to strike (probably not that easy/fast) or turn around to be able to strike the kid.

[–] loutr@sh.itjust.works 6 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Let's settle on "far-fetched". As for the "gay" part, I assume we're all in agreement. Let's move on to the next shitpost, shall we?

[–] FooBarrington@lemmy.world 15 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

The guy touched a snake that wasn't his own. Can't get much gayer than that.

[–] Korhaka@sopuli.xyz 4 points 3 weeks ago

No one could be gayer than someone named the "snake charmer"

[–] oxideseven@lemmy.ca 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Herpetologist checking in. The snake doesn't assess shit. Animals use instincts first before anything else. Deer hears a noise, it bolts, then it assess.

Same with snakes. They feel vibrations, catch any glimpse of anything, get touched, they strike. Snakes are stupid. Snakes are also stupid fast. That boi would have been bit.

[–] FooBarrington@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

Thank you, that makes sense!

[–] Sunsofold@lemmings.world 60 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Poor snake. He walked into its home and woke it up only to slaughter it.

[–] acockworkorange@mander.xyz 3 points 2 weeks ago

Kid has a bright future as a cop.

[–] Curufeanor@sh.itjust.works 17 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Why not just let go while spinning at full speed? It'll go flying away and you can run the other direction.

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 49 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Instructions unclear, yeeted a Snake at mach 2 into the face of another kid

[–] SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 8 points 2 weeks ago

Both heads explode. You are definitely gonna get scolded for that tho.

[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 7 points 2 weeks ago

Can you imagine if you and your friends are having a quiet evening camp staring up at the stars, basking in the oneness of nature... for a fucking snake to helicopter down at you from the middle of nowhere

[–] TheKMAP@lemmynsfw.com 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

What's the deal with "2o" instead of 20

[–] spykee@lemm.ee 2 points 2 weeks ago

Anon does call himself intellectually challenged. Maybe anon also has sexdaily.