That when we say how frequently men sexually harass us day to day we aren't exaggerating.
this post was submitted on 19 Jun 2025
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Yep, and how we all have our own strategies to manage it. Women constantly manage men's behaviour, keeping them calm and trying to stay safe. We sometimes have to "let" them harass us because if we challenge it they might hurt us
I don't want to be stared at
Some men seem to think women dress and do makeup and hair for them alone, and that this is inherently sexual; meanwhile if there were no men I would continue to dress up and do hair and makeup and I think this is because lots of women dress and do makeup for ourselves and for other women, to feel human and have self esteem, and also to establish social status among other women.
Yep! Not to mention how many decent men think they have a right to tell their partner to have long hair, get a Brazilian, wear high heels etc. I've met so many who think as it's just a couple of things so they can expect it cos THEY like it that way
that's a good point, part of the assumption that it's all for them is that their preferences are all that matter 🤦♀️
Women each have different desires in significant others. "You don't know how hard it is being a guy and having to do the asking out!" True, I don't. I do know being a fat woman who doesn't wear makeup or flattering clothing I got asked out 3 times in my life. Only one of those guys is 'traditionally handsome' and is not my now husband. My husband has cerebral palsy and yet still asked my much younger ass out. Worked for him cause he was willing to try. Maybe it's because I feel safe with him. Being disabled gives him a viewpoint on other humans where one has to be wary like most women have to be wary.
The fear of even posting a comment on a womens only thread incase they cyber stalk us and start a tirade of abuse or sexual harassment.
God that's true. I'm mega girly, when I joined lemmy I initially chose a gender neutral name I didn't particularly like to stay safe. Then I started here so my cover was blown and i went with my true girly self. These are the constant things we have to do online
There are, to my knowledge, two pictures of me on the Internet. Total. Both are at least two decades out of date. I haven't used my real name in any online context (I started with Fidonet) since the '80s. And while I do leak some information about my whereabouts, good luck finding me in a city that's bigger than the USA's top city (and is yet only about #10 in China…).
And why the secrecy?
Well, the time I got a phone call at 2AM from a guy in the USA who was absolutely dead-set on "domming" me in an online RPG game, wanting to take it RL kind of informed me I need to be super-careful about any identifiable information.
And it is tiring.
Especially in dating, I pay for my own food and drinks every time.
Because I very acutely feel the expectations that are attached to something nominally free and dont want to deal with this kind of "debt". Had to explain this fact quite often and some guys just never heard of the concept behind it called reciprocity, though they know the feeling of it.
It just never clicked for them in that context.
I think men don’t really understand how we just have a low-key sense of fear when we’re around men, just all the time.
When I learned just how frequently sexual harassment and assault happens, it was an eye opening, and heart breaking, revelation.
Thanks for your comment, but this community is intended to be women-only, meaning only women are permitted to comment or post, so please refrain from continuing to comment here, thanks! 💚
I’m waiting for some man to come in here being all “not all men!”
Sure. Fine. Not all men.
But enough men that this is a big fucking worry.
I've had boyfriends shocked when they found out, during the course of getting intimate, that I actually do carry a knife with me at all times. They're such sheltered little dears, aren't they, able to go through life without worrying if that man over there is going to be the one who assaults you or worse because you "wore the wrong clothes" or "said the wrong thing" or even just "looked at him with the wrong expression"?
Yep and how much the fear is justified. It's constant. Don't go anywhere alone at night, text your friends when you're going on a date, be unbelievably careful how you reject a man etc etc etc
I was about to comment this as well. I've always been kind of weak, but transitioning made me even more so and I quickly realized how easy it would be to get overpowered. Being around men definitely puts me on edge as well.
That we're human beings with autonomy who just want to live our lives
How we might want our own spaces to talk without their input. Not that they would do that in a group that's clearly labeled "Women only..."
I really wonder how many of men commenting with generally respectful language here are questioning whether they are trans. This is a small community hosted on the piefed spinoff of the most trans instance. It doesn't seem like the kind of place men who are cis with certainty would just stumble upon.
They're people, just like they are.