I’m getting to a weird stage of life where I feel lonely within relationships that previously made me comfortable, like trying to find the perfect colour crayon in the box. Simultaneously I am much more comfortable being alone with myself.
this post was submitted on 17 Jul 2025
31 points (100.0% liked)
Casual Conversation
960 readers
140 users here now
Share a story, ask a question, or start a conversation about (almost) anything you desire. Maybe you'll make some friends in the process.
RULES
- Be respectful: no harassment, hate speech, bigotry, and/or trolling.
- Encourage conversation in your OP. This means including heavily implicative subject matter when you can and also engaging in your thread when possible.
- Avoid controversial topics (e.g. politics or societal debates).
- Stay calm: Don’t post angry or to vent or complain. We are a place where everyone can forget about their everyday or not so everyday worries for a moment. Venting, complaining, or posting from a place of anger or resentment doesn't fit the atmosphere we try to foster at all. Feel free to post those on !goodoffmychest@lemmy.world
- Keep it clean and SFW
- No solicitation such as ads, promotional content, spam, surveys etc.
Casual conversation communities:
- !casualuk@feddit.uk
- !casualeurope@piefed.social
- !forumlibre@jlai.lu
- !batepapo@lemmy.eco.br
- !esp@lemm.ee
Related discussion-focused communities
- !actual_discussion@lemmy.ca
- !askmenover30@lemm.ee
- !dads@feddit.uk
- !letstalkaboutgames@feddit.uk
- !movies@piefed.social
- !television@piefed.social
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
For the past year not at all and I'm so so happy about it.
"lonely" is a feeling that has nothing to do with being alone. I've been alone for so much of my life, yet rarely feel lonely. The last couple of decades I absolutely never felt lonely even. Except ... When I'm in a big loud crowd and I don't know anyone. Then I feel lonely. Very lonely. But once I'm alone again that feeling disappears.
There are different kinds of lonely though. I would agree that I am fine being totally alone most of the time. My real underlying loneliness is from never having had a close friend that challenges me or shares a significant number of similar interests or any real interests with depth. Everyone I have known in real life is pathetically dull and easily amused. I have met a few people that are on my level but those people always seem to be in other orbits without the space to spare for a new friend. I would like to be that person for someone but never had the chance. I would rather be on my own than with boring people that are easily amused. That you too or different?
This is very close to how I feel. I've never had a "ride or die" type of friend who is on my same level. No matter how good of a friend I seem to make, I always end up being the one who needs to initiate in order to communicate. I have never been able to find someone who will reach out to ME first and suggest hanging out, and that's what I REALLY really want. Being the constant initiator gets exhausting. It's been this way since college. For a long time I had been sort of hiding behind constant long-term relationships, even living with a partner for ~5 years, as a partner is sort of expected to do half the work... I broke up with my most recent long-term girlfriend a couple months back and have been really happy single, it's something I've needed in my life for a long time, to take a break from dating/relationships (over the last 15 years of my life I think I was single for a cumulative total of maybe a year or a year and a half?)... but I am sorely missing that feeling of someone acknowledging that I exist. I don't want or need it to come from a romantic partner, I just want people to treat me the way I treat them. Send me a text every once in a while to ask how my week was, see if I want to grab coffee Saturday morning, or join them at some event after work... I can usually keep up my effort and be social, but sometimes I just get tired, and when I stop reaching out to people and being the initiator, I get 0 text messages, 0 phone calls, 0 initiation no matter how long I wait.
That's my loneliness, that feeling that I could drop dead and the only people that would care or notice are my brother and parents.
I feel something similar. I realized that there were a lot of people that come and go in my life but nobody truly in my corner, even amongst family. I started going out and looking for that specific feeling in the people around me.
Literally never
this is a trap, OP will get everyone who says "Yes" into a group chat!!!!
Only when Im awake.
Im not sure how you would even know.
Almost never. I have to be a alone for a long time to feel lonely and I won't avoid contact or anything so I get my fill easy enough.
Almost never, I have spent an entire week without speaking to another human and been fine. Granted I had a dog but still. It was actually incredibly pleasant and I think back on that memory fondly. It has happened before but it had more to do with feeling unseen than an actual absence of people
Often. A lot of my friends are attached, so whenever I hang out with them, I'm reminded of the disadvantages of singlehood.
🫂
I don't think I've ever been 'lonely'.
Being alone, sure, that happens quite regularly as my spouse and I don't live glued together and I'm not the kind of dude that needs to be constantly surrounded by friends or people. But when I'm alone I will most probably have a book nearby and I can hardly imagine better company ;)
Yes.
40 years
Hm, I think only on solo traves sometimes. For example when I arrived in Hebron Palestine, the Jewish bus driver was horrified to let me out in the city center and his panic rubbed off on me for a couple of hours.
But next day when I started exploring everyone was super friendly and nice and invited me for food and talking, etc. It was amazing.
That was 2019, I even recorded myself walking though the old city: https://tube.jeena.net/w/3FhHLhdfxHpEJGdGPTA3uA
Rarely - I like my alone time.
Every day since I was probably 15