Solution has been found! I had to email support, and they sent me a small program to reflash the firmware! I would post it here, but the link shared with me is only accessible by me. It's only a 1 MB program. If someone has a good spot I can share it on, let me know.
For anyone out there - even though you can see the mouse in Basecamp through passthrough on virtualbox on linux, DON'T try to update the firmware from there. You will need to boot to an actual windows install.