So, there are quite a few flaws with your position.

Firstly, for some reason, you're putting the lens on trans people, and not cis people. Cis society does far more to encourage and sustain gender norms than trans people ever will, simply because there are so many more cis people. If you are genuinely concerned about the harms of gendered roles and how they sustain gender inequality, you should be more worried about the source of those behaviours, and not trans people.

Secondly, if your concerns are about the harms of gender norms, then you should probably acknowledge that trans people are more harshly judged and punished by those norms than cis people are. Trans people have their gender denied to them if they don't perform their gender sufficiently for society. They get misgendered, they get their rights taken away, they get denied access to bathrooms. And to top it off, trans people are also punished for performing their gender roles, and that punishment, again, often takes the form of denying trans people their identity. "If you were really a woman, you wouldn't need to act so feminine to show it"

Thirdly, the premise that "transitioned people are doing their best to fulfill the roles and stereotypes assigned to their desired gender" is incorrect. Or rather, it's as correct and incorrect as it is about cis people. Some trans people adhere to gender norms. Some don't. But again, the difference is, trans people get punished more often and more strongly by those norms, whichever side of the fence they fall on. Your post here is an example of that imbalance, because you are blaming some of the biggest targets of societal inequality for that inequality, despite their complete lack of power and influence

There is no "two sides" here. Enforced gender norms hurt everyone, but they impact trans people more. The idea that there is "two sides" is an example of that. Blaming the victims for their own mistreatment

I'm gonna talk from a transfem pov.

Yes and no. Dysphoria comes in a variety of flavours. What you're describing could most accurately be described as societal dysphoria. And my understanding is that it's closely associated with social dysphoria. So if you need other people to see you as a woman, you will likely also feel a need to conform to societal norms for femininity.

You for sure get a lot of trans tradwives, but you also get a lot who are nothing like that. I for example grew up rurally and the traditional gender roles take a back seat to practicality in day to day life. So all the women I grew up around dressed in jeans and hoodies and did manual labour. Everyone hung out in mixed groups and we all went to the pub together. So socially I have a preference for female company and feel I have more to talk about with my girls. But I don't feel a need to conform to gender stereotypes.

I like exploring taking on roles. And taking off roles when it feels more comfortable. I play roles, but I try to avoid being defined by them.

I resolved the conflict by simply inventing My own gender /hj

Abolition of Gender won't happen overnight. There are much bigger fish to fry than trans people feeling good about themselves. As long as we live in a society with gender roles those roles will have an impact on everyone. Abolishing those roles will make everyone happier, but in the meantime enjoy your gender whatever it happens to be and don't let it make you feel bad.

I think Ada already said it better than I will, but yeah there's a few too many simplifications and short-circuits (in reasoning/logic) in what you have written. If society stopped claiming people "should" be this or that just because of some physical characteristics they were born with, the "conflict" you outline ceases to exist. Trans people (and "non-conforming" people in general) could fulfill whatever roles and stereotypes they resonate with, and still fit in just fine.

Plus, the stereotypes some of us resonate with simply do not neatly map onto society's stereotypes of men and women. Some people who have outwardly transitioned may seem to be moulding themselves into society's "traditional" gender norms, sure. Putting aside those who do so out of self preservation or fear of persecution, I would argue it's just happenstance (in other words, pure luck) that who they want to be in life lines up so neatly with these existing delineations. It doesn't conflict with the push to stop expecting and demanding people fit other people's schemas.

I don't know that stereotypes are necessarily harmful, not do I think that the point of equality is to get rid of them. Rather, they should have no bearing on our worth, and we should not be reducing people to the various stereotypes we know of. We are infinitely more complex and varied beings than any stereotypes that anyone has ever conceived.

Myself, I prefer to think of stereotypes as archetypes, like in storytelling. They are shortcuts that evoke certain character traits. They cannot describe the totality of a person, only facets. Thus, we should be careful to not expect people to fit "inside" them; therein lies the/a root of a lot of harm. If that is too difficult, better to do away with thinking in terms of stereotypes than demean those who don't fit them.

I had similar struggles with accepting trans identity because in my repressed state I believed the morally necessary position was full gender abolition. I also struggled with embracing femininity, e.g. putting on makeup, and felt I was betraying women and playing into sexist norms ... reading Julia Serano, particularly Whipping Girl and Sexed Up helped me better understand gender and helped me resolve these conflicts. Maybe they would help you too?