Yeh.. first off you need to remove the word "lazy" from your vocab ASAP. Second, you need to find a job tailored to your condition, a boring 9-5 will always feel like an uphill battle. You will have an initial burst of "performance" while you figure out the inner-workings of the role, and then hit a plateau where it all becomes minutia, and crash out.

Rather look to grow into a role that will always present new challenges, where you can put your "high-pressure/high-interest" needs first. I don't know why you chose insurance adjusting as a profession, but if this generally interests you, look into the audit side of things, especially if it's complex investigations. Retail, corporate and to a large part manufacturing will not be good fits for you.

You are "failing" because you are not in the right environment, not because you are useless.

I would get back on medication but try different ones to see if they work better for you. Ive tried 4 and they all had difference side effects.

Just my 3 cents, all these jobs sound pretty hard for someone with auADHD, many sensory triggers and/or situations where you have to expertly navigate interactions with people. I don't struggle with my job and I am pretty stable, but would totally struggle a lot in those you've tried.

I just hope it makes you feel a bit better. As others said you should give meds a shot, but it really does not help the job requirements are pretty challenging.

You should really try a medication again. There are ones that don't affect your appetite as bad, and if you literally cannot hold down a job without some sort of external help, your childhood doctor's "medz bad" opinion is no longer valid. See someone who specializes in treating ADHD/autism and get their opinion. Finding the right meds can really be a life changer, it will probably take trying a few different ones, but it's worth it. I would not be able to handle adult life without mine.

In the meantime, it seems like all the jobs (apart from food) that you've struggled with have been customer-facing jobs. My first job was also customer-facing and I hated it. I'm lucky enough to have a college education in a field that lets me work from home, but that isn't an option for everyone. Have you thought about maybe going into a trade? Construction? Electrician? Carpentry? I'm assuming you don't have a degree in a specific field since you didn't mention it, but those jobs tend to have less social interaction (and what social interaction there is is much less consequential if you mess something up)

Finally, I just want to say, you're not lazy. You're obviously trying incredibly hard, because if you were just lazy, you would have given up by now. Having a kid to care for at 24 while also struggling with, frankly, a crippling disability sounds so fucking difficult. Hang in there, man. You'll figure it out, one way or another, I'm sure of it.

First and foremost, you sound like you really need meds. The way the your medication was managed to when you were younge was likely due to it being too high a dose. It also may have been the wrong medication for you. If you tried ritalin and it didn't work out very well for you I would recommend trying dex amphetamine, and vice versa. They work differently and have different side effects, and some people are very well suited to one while finding no function from the other.

The side effect you're describing of a loss of appetite is usually attributable to the amphetamine effect of too much stimulant. Remember that amphetamines were prescribed as a weight loss drug early in their development, so that side effect is to be expected.

To manage food while on amphetamines you often have to have either deliberate planned structured meals or you have to have meals at the right time to be able to make up for the skipped meals. This might mean having a meal before you have your dose then having your dose, skipping food through the day, and then after the last of the dose wears off having another meal. I personally only eat once or twice a day, and always in the evening after my meds have run out. There is nothing wrong with doing that as long as you get sufficient food.

As for the job I would recommend thinking about what you actually do thrive doing. I sucked at working in an office but I work in disability care now and have wildly different clients with very different needs, so every day is a new and stimulating challenge. Doing the same thing, especially something like paperwork, every day with minimal variation would not work for me at all. Maybe you are trying to do jobs you aren't suited to?

I'm dealing with this issue right now myself. I have a long line of jobs that never worked out. The fact is that autistic people have the highest rate of unemployment of any group of disabled people, up to 90% in some places. So firstly you should not be hard on yourself about it. The world just hasn't been built with us in mind.

That being said, I do believe that there are niches for people like us out there where we can survive, perhaps even thrive, the trick is finding them however. And that's where we have to put in a lot of work and problem solving. I'll share a couple of tips based on what I have been doing.

So the first step that I would recommend--assuming that you haven't done so already--is to give yourself a good foundation of knowledge on your conditions. Learn as much as you can about them, from books, websites, articles, research papers, and hanging out with online communities like this one (Mastodon has some great communities if you look for the hashtags of #ActuallyAutistic and #ActuallyADHD among others). That's what I've been doing for the past couple of years. I would also suggest guiding that research in a neuroaffirmative direction, that is, sources that understand and respect neurodiversity. I have found a ton of resources that way, I can give a couple here:

https://www.autisticality.co.uk/autisticality-content This one is a good introduction to a wide variety of related topics in bite-sized chunks.

https://embrace-autism.com/ This one talks about testing for autism (and other things), but also has good resources on both autism and adhd. It's all by doctors who are themselves autistic.

https://neurodivergentinsights.com/autism-awareness-acceptance/ This article gives an idea of what the world would look like if it was made for us, so you can better recognize those rare pockets of it when you find them.

https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0147040 If you prefer something more in-depth, here's a research paper on the barriers to employment for autistic people.

https://www.autismchrysalis.com/free/ A collection of free resources you might find helpful.

The next thing I'd suggest is looking for support resources in your area. I was quite surprised to find out that there were autism support organizations right in my own city. Try searching for just autism support organization, and specifically autism employment support. There are many organizations in some countries that work to help autistic people find employment. Even if you find one though, their focus may be too narrow to be able to help. But it doesn't hurt to look. But more general autism support orgs can potentially help in many ways, from workshops, housing, social groups, coaching, etc.

And for that matter there are a number of services online as well for autistic and ADHD people. Some are free, many cost. Workshops and coaching tend to be the two most common I find.

One thing I have done to help me look for work is to make a list of my strengths (e.g. creative, good with computers, good problem solving, etc.), as well as my "accommodations". By analyzing my past jobs I was able to make a list of conditions that contributed to my ability to function at a job (such as low and local lighting, being able to wear what I want as opposed to a uniform, flexible time, a job that is authentic to my skills, interests and values, etc.). While none of mine are strictly necessary (some people have necessary ones), I did find that the more of them I had in any particular job, the longer I lasted in that job (outside factors notwithstanding). I believe that having such a list can help you find a job that will last longer for you, even if it is harder to find. You might even be able to figure out a kind of "dream job" with these lists, but more likely they will help you assess how good any particular job you do find is for you.

Anyway, there's a lot more I could say, but I'll leave this here and you can ask any questions you may have. I hope that something here helps and wish you the best of luck!

There is some good advice here, op, especially about resources around helping people with these challenges find work. I've just started occupational therapy myself and feel hopeful about it.

One thing I'd like to add is that when we are burnt out or constantly over stimulated it can really mess with our abilities. I was a cashier in a grocery store in my teens. Some days it really fucking sucked, especially because I was quickly promoted to head cashier (counting tills, making deposits, etc). Other days it was great. When it was busy I would just zone out and scan. Anyways, I when I walked out of my job in a lab because of sexual harassment and other crimes I asked if they would hire me again. They did! I lasted like 2 shifts. I brought my till to the office, sobbing, and left. The job I had done for years was suddenly impossible because of how much the stress of the lab situation fucked with me.

I later found a job as a line cook which was great for me. I stayed in that type of work for a few years until I got my degree.

I have learned that I absolutely cannot handle a thing where I need to be in contact with the public on an ongoing basis. I do presentations and outreach sometimes and I love doing that but that has defined roles and goals so it's cool.

Fingers crossed that you are able to find something that you can enjoy and thrive in, comrade.