The lighter side of ADHD
“Living with ADHD can truly be hell”
Goddamn that hits me, all my life I’ve felt like adhd is viewed as this comedic side character who has his wiring all messed up. Meanwhile inside, it IS hell.
(Got this book as a present, seems like a really good tool so far: “100+ lifehacks voor een eenvoudiger leven met AD(H)D” by Séverine van de Voorde. ISBN 978-94-6234-893-6)
I worry I'll die alone because of how difficult ADHD makes relationships.
I never had that struggle because back when I was struggling to make relationships last, I didn't know I had ADHD.
Luckily I met someone who could understand me and be patient with me like nobody ever had. And conversely, I understand him and I am patient with him like nobody has ever done. And the catch is what seems to be a common pattern for us ND folks - he's neurodivergent as well, which is what made things about a million times easier.
Just like queer people have a "gaydar", it's useful to tune in to your inner ND-radar, which for me has become easier as I read and understand more not just about ADHD but Autism, for example.
For me this has totally made my relationships easier - not in terms of finding a prospective partner because that happened before I knew, but it can help adapt your communication with friends/coworkers/managers/customers/etc. When I know somebody is autistic, I am extra conscious to not use any sarcasm, double meanings, or rely on implied context. For neurotypicals, I try to go to the point and drip feed the context if and when needed. For ADHD people I am careful we don't go down rabbit holes for too long, but I frontload the context for my request/topic so that their brain has the big picture to work with.
Trust me, statistically you're far more likely than not to find good friendships and a loving partner - you just don't have a neurotypical brain chemistry so don't hold yourself to neurotypical timelines for that to happen.
I’ve been lucky so far to have people around me from way back in 90-00’s who understood me enough. Back then it really wasn’t a thing in public discourse so that speaks extra to their credit.
Finding that special someone though, I hear ya, I was actively trying until I was around 30 with a LOT of stumbling and heartbreak along the way. At points I felt like “I must be impossible to love”.
I did meet her and I’ll have spent my time on this planet just right with her. My miracle.
I wish you all the best, I know the pain and dread. Don’t give up and always assume tomorrow can be better and worthwhile. Our mind is different, and our world is ill equipped for it so far, but that doesn’t mean we don’t belong.
That's beautiful, thank you.
I had the same issue unitl i dated a woman in 2018 who worked with disabled elderly people. She was the only person who understood me. We're still very good friends, but i still assumed i'd die alone. Last year i met my now girlfriend and on our first date she told me: i love how autistic you are. I can't explain how happy she makes me, and in my 41 years, i never really expected this to happen.
She also works with disabled kids, so there's that.
Oof. I know what you mean.
And carrying around a CPTSD on top of that doesn't make it any easier.
Dutch mentioned