creates freewill
also creates rules and punishments for not doing what he wants
this post was submitted on 21 Jun 2026
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Religion makes a lot more sense when you think of it like parents lying to their kids to get them to behave.
Like yeah, don't kill each other because uh... because someone is watching and will kill you twice as hard forever.
Point is, the elf on the shelf is my lord and savior.
Soooooo, back in 2016 I had never heard of elf on the shelf. I come over to my sisters house on Christmas Eve. I have a 4 year old niece. Whenever I'd come over, I'd grab the nearest toy and start playing. I think you can see where this is headed.
I hug my niece and right near the door is a little table. On it, I see this little doll. I grab it and say "Oh, hi (her name), you wanna play?"
Usually when I do that in my funny voices, I get smiles, and clapping and giggles. Not this time.
IMMEDIATE banshee screaming, followed by full waterworks. I have no idea what is going on. I know I did something, but I cannot piece it together.
All of this within a few seconds. My family is now screaming NOOOOOOO!!!!! and my sister WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???
And my niece is now on the floor wailing. Full on crying like I killed a cat or something.
Meanwhile I STILL don't know what is even happening in this moment. I know I hugged my niece, picked up a doll, and now everyone hates me.
Finally my brother in law sees the scene and saves the day.
"Heeeeeey, it's ok! Uncle doesn't live here! It's powers can only be affected by people who live here?"
And my niece stops crying.
"So Christmas isn't ruined?"
"No! Christmas is still happening just as normal. Everything is fine."
My niece gives me a dirty look, and runs off to her room. Then my mom explained what just happened. And now I get it. Would have been helpful to know BEFORE I came over...
And thats the story of how I was the villain who killed a childs Christmas for 45 seconds.
I have hated Elf on a Shelf ever since. Stupid fucking concept. Plus it normalizes mass surveilance. Though, I guess the same is true of Santa Claus. And the Easter Bunny. And God. And The Tooth Fairy.
Though, to be fair, The Tooth Fairy might not actually be engaging in surveilance. Maybe she just has a tooth sensor installed in your pillow. It was never made clear to me the logistics of The Tooth Fairy.
And now I get it.
I still don't.
Basically the parents buy this elf doll. They put it somewhere on in their house. Then they tell their kid to be good for all of December, because this little elf is in your house. The elf is watching everything you do, and reporting back to Santa. But you can't touch the elf, because when humans are around, the elf has to stiffen up, and pretend to be a doll. If you touch the elf, or move him, he doesn't like it, and will tell Santa to skip your house on Christmas. So it's a big deal that elf on the shelf never be physically touched or picked up at all.
Then when the kids leave the room, the parent moves the doll while the kid is away. The kid comes back, see's the doll moved to the other side of the room, and when the kid asks about it, the parent says "Hmmm? No, I didn't touch him. He must have just moved over there when we left the room. Don't touch him! He wants to be over there now."
So the idea is, you now have this magical creature who runs around seemingly with Toy Story rules, except touching him ruins Christmas. Then I come in and IMMEDIATELY grab him, because all I see is a toy. In my mind I was just happy to play with my niece and was instead met with a full on breakdown.
I only know some friends of mine had this elf thing and would move it every morning before the kids wake up and make him do funny things. Like make him read a book or climb something or whatever. Never heard about the "it will ruin Christmas" thing. I think it's fairly new invention, based on some children books. Most non-parents don't know it.
The only thing I can take away from his comment is that the elf is a government surveillance drone
So what's this elf on the shelf? I only know the Linux one.
Actually in Genesis it sounds more like God never planned to give us free will but when Satan did so anyway he got mad and kicked us out of paradise lol
Gives you consciousness, love and the power to deeply connect and bond with your loved ones.
Also
you're all mortal, have fun missing the fuck out of each other when the random clock strikes "YA DEAD".
Also creates two sexes so that there can be a complicated method of procreation ... makes the act very enjoyable ... even makes using the parts by yourself very enjoyable
Bans everyone from doing it or even thinking about it and only allows them to do it to reproduce .... watches everyone who even thinks about doing it or acting out on it
Do unto thee but not on your wee or something
"Ask not what you can do for your country ... but who in your country you can do" - President Bill Clinton
Ooooops, did anyone say STDs? Do what comes naturally, but, you know. Ya might die.
On the adam and eve thing sex was created to survive in the world of sin. Been ages since I was at that nuns school so Im certain theres a gap in knowledge
That's also hilarious logic .... God creates man in his own image ... God creates woman because 'reasons' and makes the decision to give her an opening that physically compliments his appendage ... then places them both in a garden where they are completely unaware of why the anatomy between their legs is so different between the two of them. Tells the two of them not to eat this particular apple ... but they eat it anyway, so God throws an epic eternal hissy fit, throws them out of the garden because the apple has caused them to look at their junk and think that they could rub up against one another and he could penetrate her and it would be totally fun for both of them
For a guy who totally created everything in the universe ... you'd think he could be able to hit the reset button on all this and just not allow any created person any chance of gaining any kind of knowledge and just let them live out their existence like a beautiful flower or a tree and not disturb anything or anyone
Sometimes I imagine what the world would look like if it was designed and created by a good, intelligent being and it's definitely not what we have here.
You wouldn't evolve if there was no evil. No difficulties, no hardships, no madness. People acting logical and sane around you. Easy mode.
Now you evolve through pain and suffering. But its temporary. We are not here that long.
If God exists, he created this experience the way it is. So just accept it and try to manage it.
Why do we have to evolve? Why not just create people good by nature so they don't have to suffer to get better?
People already are good by nature and innocent at birth, it's our decisions and experiences that shape us. There are the corruptive factors such as wealth, power, fame, violence. The ones that stray us further from collectivism and into egoism and bring harm to our society.
That's why capitalism is inherently evil and we should seek to destroy and leave no traces of it.
Because the soul reincarnates into bodies, and the soul is immortal and only created once. Then we have many lifetimes and the soul evolves from different experiences and scenarios. The soul remembers it's lessons, but not exactly what happened, between lifetimes.
Thats how the theory goes at least. And why do we do this? They say we are all parts of one being experiencing his creation through us, humans, what we see daily.
Its just what they say. No idea if it's true. But I like interesting theories.
Yeah, looking at all the people around me I really doubt any of them evolved over multiple lifetimes.
Lol. :) Love this comment. Probably has been standups made about this topic...
God is such a piece of shit haha.
Oceans weren’t originally that salty, instead were delightfully seasoned by the sins of God’s creations.
If god was real this would be funny.
He added salt to the water so that it would evaporate faster and reach the areas where there is no sea. 🌧😇
Good Guy God: Yeah, but you tasted them skrimps yet?
He created the world as a paradise, for sharks omly
At the very least they could've made pi equal to 3 fucked the number "i" right off
god just sends down his 13 angels to clean up the mess.