Remembering my dysfunctional family with mom trying to be a career woman but also have a picture perfect Norman Rockwell Christmas and making her subsequent stress everyone else’s problem. Dealing with the “holidays are for family” trope when I don’t talk to my parents or sister and only get a limited amount of time with my kids. (I have a great relationship with my ex, the limited time is due to not being able to afford a large enough residence to have my kids stay with me regularly.) Seasonal affective disorder. The hyper-consumerist holiday sharpening the usual distress of living under a capitalist regime.

Basically I find myself near tears most days.

Honestly? Less stress than it used to. Spending time with those who matter and no longer feeling guilty about it. Looking forward to longer days and more light.

Family time

The holidays are pretty rough for me

A lot of terrible anniversaries happen around this time and also not really seeing very many of my relatives due to so many of them that would be at the gatherings openly wishing for my death when they do see me (and receiving little to no push back from other relatives)

So basically for me the holidays are a time where I can watch some long movies (this year the LOTR trilogy (extended cuts only)), put together some model kits, and/or painting some miniatures for my DnD group. And depending on weather I may go hiking too.

This year though I'm also going to do a small Christmas with (I think) 7 family members, which I'm really excited for.

Going to visit my parents and hoping my mom doesn't have to be hospitalized for a mental health crisis again while I'm there, as had happened twice before.

Recognizing the astronomical phenomenon of solstice that existed long before humans evolved, and will exist long after humans have extinguished themselves. Axial tilt, the real reason for the season.