nsfw genital dysphoria
god I fucking hate having a dick. I naturally have a pretty darn high sex drive but every time getting off just feels so unsatisfying and disappointing cause I hate what I have, no matter what I do. I can't wait for SRS, but that's years away at the minimum and maybe never if worse case scenario. the wave of dysphoria and disgust is really getting to me, I know I'm not just going to stop masturbating for the next several years or anything like that so I've got to deal with the discomfort and dysphoria and never actually being satisfied. Shit suuuuuuuuuuckkkkkks
PeeNutButtHer
joined 3 weeks ago
spoiler
HRT is just one part of transition and there's a lot more to be done. I'm in a similar boat to you where I've been on e for almost 3 years but I haven't really done anything else so I don't look like a woman to myself in the mirror, but I'm hoping that I eventually will
It's a long nebulously process that goes smoothly for some people and very rough for others, it's just luck of the draw (and also money, it goes soooo much easier if you've got money)
Estrogen isn't magic, is pretty good but not magic. And a lot of trans people do end up becoming disappointed, but that's just something to work past. Or at least I hope, idk I'm pretty doomer about shit but I've been trying to turn my perspective around recently. There's a lot of other shit to do besides just hrt. Like weight cycling, voice training, makeup, exercise, etc
Really voice is super important, it's often the "tie-breaker" if your androgynous and someone is trying to gender you. I should take my own advice thought and voice train, it fucking sucks doing but it needs to be done
first we hex, then we bear. Let's hexbear!
It's one of my favorite games, I keep wanting to play the sequel but I've got no money to get it plus my computer is dogshit so I'd have to upgrade that first and that costs even more money
I exercised for the first time in forever today, it wasn't much, just 30 mins on the treadmill, but much better than nothing
plus I applied to a lot of jobs today. Maybe shit could be turning around for me for once who knows 
Jimmy just frustrated me so so much. He acts so irrationally and strangely and his actions just don't make a whole lot of sense
The Mike parts were also fairly silly and pointless. Like Mike doesn't have any sort of character development, in episode 1 of BCS he's still the exact same personality and ideals as he has when he first shows up in BB, and we know who lives and dies based off of who makes it to BB and who doesn't so there are no stakes
I've got a very close irl friend who is also trans and while I'm very happy to be friends knowing her hasn't made me any less miserable about being trans
But then again I probably need more than just one irl trans friend (hell I need more than just one irl friend regardless or cis or trans)
oh god I've lost so much sleep over intrusive thoughts too. In the past I was always afraid that someone would hurt me in the night and so as I was falling asleep (I sleep on my stomach) I had to turn around and scan the room every couple of seconds. I couldn't sleep in the dark because then it was harder to check the room so I slept with the lights on. I didn't get over that until last year. And yeah you're right, the only way to get over it is just ignoring it. No matter how many times I thought to myself "no one is actually there" it never comforted me and I had to turn around and check. The only thing that worked was ignoring it. God that month or so when I started refusing to turn around but before the intrusive thought really went away I got almost no sleep
hell yeah, looks great!
nooch really is the best shit on the planet
aww, that's so cute
idk if I actually have OCD. I deal with really bad intrusive thoughts and a lot of what I've heard about it has sounded relatable but I've never been diagnosed. Probably never will be either, I've been really soured on a lot of mental health / therapy stuff and don't bother anymore
I'd do just about anything for weed atm
but I can't waste my money on shit like that at this point