ProgAimerGirl

Things fall apart; the dinner cannot hold;

Mere ground beef is loosed upon the world,

The tasteless slop is served, and everywhere

The ceremony of deliciousness is drowned;

The best lack all flavor, while the worst

Are the fill of perturbed intestines.

Surely some revelation is at hand;

Surely the Second Helping is at hand.

The Second Helping! Hardly are those words out

When a vast icon out of General Mills

Troubles my sight: somewhere in aisles of the supermarket

A shape with white glove body and the face of a man,

A gaze as fixed and saccharine as the Raisin Bran Sun,

Is moving its slow collar, while all about it

Swirl aromas of the indignant seasoning packets.

The darkness drops again; but now i know

That twenty centuries of stony sleep

Were vexed to nightmare by a Giant Left Hand,

And what rough glove, it's hour come round at last,

Slouches towards the meat case to be born?

What the fuck did you just cook for me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class at the Culinary Institute of America, and I've been involved in numerous secret kitchen raids on Al-Queso, and I have over 300 confirmed grills. I am trained in tortilla warfare and I'm the top searer in the entire US chefs forces. You are nothing to me but just another line cook. I will cook you the fuck up with seasonings the likes of which have never been seen before on your menu, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with cooking this shit for me on the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of baristas across the USA and your butcher's shop is being traced right now so you better prepare for the corn, maggot. The corn that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your kitchen. You're fucking up bread, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can grill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my cast iron. Not only am I extensively trained in wok and ladle combat, but I have access to the entire back house of the United States Mealrines Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass menu off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "cleaver" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking beef tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit curry all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking up bread, kiddo.

w/r/t Black Friday:

more doors open tramplings per capita:

fewer doors open tramplings per capita:

ZERO tramplings? it's over

link to bsky

backside boardslide, fat cone smoked, property destroyed, pigs enraged, america unfazed

~~what is a god to a nonbeliever~~ what is a mallcop to a steezy rooster

c/o beetlemoses on bsky

via unraveledpress on bsky

y'know just in case you needed more reasons to hate this garbage organization, here's the most charitable thing the salvation army can come up with in the current context (apparently)

this one got away from me and is unable to complete it initial purpose

c/o adam ellis on bsky

Jesus cant find his keys!!!!!!

via nbc news