Damn, like, how do you make close friends?
It feels like I'm too late in life for lifelong friends, like, they'd have to have met me before I was an adult, right?
Like, I want to be close to someone, dammit. I thought other people wanted that. I think I'm confused. I need a nap
Feeling more confident every time I go out looking for women's clothes
CW: suicidal thoughts, emotional flashbacks
This week marks five years since my roommate got married. This started a huge existential crisis for me, including suicidal thoughts and withdrawing from pretty much all my friends.
I've been getting panic attacks every time I go into work this week, it feels like it's from remembering that wedding. Literally feeling detached, like I'm piloting my body. But now that I'm really questioning my gender, I feel like it's staring me in the face that I'm just in a big holding pattern. I want to figure out how to speak up for myself.
dysphoria stuff
I'm sad that I lost touch with people I knew, but part of me feels like it was necessary to even reach a point to consider that I'm trans.
In school, I had a support system. I had great friends, and people that I probably kinda took for granted.
But I thought I was straight, I thought I was cis. I was in a costume, and I played the part so well that nobody can look past the mask anymore. They're not thinking about me, they're remembering him. It's tough.
Trying to find the will to go out and make new friends. I've essentially been wallowing since 2020, I feel like I let down everyone as a result. Too ashamed to reach out, but trying to just rebuild my confidence.
Scared to shop for women's clothing 😬 But, like, wow, it's better in every imaginable way
Is it normal to spend years not reaching out because you thought your friends knew you were struggling with depression and gave up on you?
Is it normal to be so intimidated by people that it's hard to tell who actually wants to listen to you talk about your problems?
Is it normal to wish your friends would notice your absence and come looking for you and be willing to understand why you're struggling?
I think about the person I was when I left school. I was always there for my friends. I thought they would notice me like I noticed them. I thought when you're sad, your friends see you and ask what's wrong, stay and help.
Maybe I did this to myself. I just don't know how to undo it.
I don't know how to organically bring things up without being asked, but am also desperate to be asked about those things.
And also despise phone calls because I need to multitask, but inevitably get wrapped up in something that takes up more of my attention than the actual phone call.
I'm convinced that people who are good at conversations are wizards.
My manager likes to talk about Frozen III and how apparently they're having Elsa have a female love interest.
I genuinely have no idea if that's true, but it's mostly just an excuse for him to start talking like "I don't want my kid to see that kind of stuff" and coworkers agree with him. It's disheartening.
I'm on my way out in the next few months, but I think I'm wearing Pride stuff every day until I leave. I'm not out to these people, but I seriously have zero tolerance for those kinds of conversations
Longtime lurker, occasional poster! Trying to come out of my shell because I'm starting to question my gender. I never felt like I fit the mold of "guy" and it's always something that I've had to try to do. I always felt awkward in all ways in school.
Lately, I'm really considering the possibility of being trans. I buy women's clothes, I try to talk and move in a slightly more feminine way. I was on a website and there was a page titled "I hope I'm trans" and seeing that in writing led to this moment of "Oh fish, I think I wish I were a girl!"
I'm trying to figure out who to talk to about these things. People in my life are pro-LGBT, but I'm just generally distant. Like, how to open up about this when I've just never been open. It's a challenge.
Incorporating leggings into my wardrobe has prompted me to buy a little bag for all my pockets stuff! I'm having this moment of realization that I move more freely when I don't have pockets full of STUFF