i don't eat meat cause it's a thing i do since birth but it's also a thing i have to be kind of annoying about at restaurants etc to ensure that they hear me and interpret what i'm saying right (social anxiety is fun) cause then i'd have to eat the thing i don't want or have another more awkward interaction w the guy. and it's very bad in loud places cause it's even harder to make yourself understood (and i should i say i literally have a vocal condition where one of my vocal cords doesn't work so it's fun all around) and it just sucks.

so i tried to order this fucking impossible burger, but they don't like list separate burgers, they make you list out out loud every bit of what you want, and the fucking thing has a stupid fucking name so you sound like a dumbass saying the stupid fucking name so you're just blabbering at this poor guy who probably already wrote it down but it's loud and you're pissed off cause it's loud and you have to utter this stupid cutsey little brand name over and over instead of just beef mid-rare please like gordon ramsay. and they had it and it was fine but mid but like, i had to try to yell this out across a table of very cool people i'm trying to be normal and chill with. word has like 4 fucking syllables.

and this dude who's sitting at the end, very playful and cool and kind and everything, dave-grohl-esque, says jokingly to the guy at the end, in that sort of casual slightly sardonic jim halpert way, 'oh make sure about the impossible patty' which yes funny, i respect it is a good joke, i like the joke, but i hate being memed on when i'm put in a situation basically against my will that draws on years of trauma

(when seated in a group with others, i should clarify. if i'm by myself i'm absolutely happy to be on my phone or book)

i genuinely have an issue. it's like....there's people on all sides. i need to rest my eyes somewhere, esp in a social setting which is already inherently a bit wearing

• if you look down at your food, you look sad or disinterested or whatever
• if you look at the ceiling that's insane, isn't it?

so that's down and up out. let's look at:

• the sides, which have people there or nearly there, or obscuring the view of a nice window or painting, and you can't stare at people.

fuck fuck fuck. what about:

• the center. oh no. this is the nightmare zone. let's break it down into 3 sections: the top contains their face, that's quite insane to look at. downwards, the table across from you with their food, that could seem like you're looking at their body very intently, can't do that. the middle? if it's a woman, then that's very much bad form. but if you're a guy generally attracted to women, part of your brain wants to look no matter what, at least a little. and since when you're sitting, forward is the most natural direction to look (you can't really turn around or move, particularly), so you keep coming back to it and AHH FUCK

fucking nightmare.

america is so fucking based man

in any proper country that company at least gets forced to pay by the government then ordered to shut down forever due to wanton cruelty. all the employees get generous severance except whoever made that call. depending upon your view of carceral punishment there are a few ways to go with that guy.

it feels similar in egregious price to getting room service, and you don't even have to talk to the guy, and you can convince yourself it's nice to treat yourself you've been working hard etc etc. you don't have to do any dishes or think about all the rotten shit in the fridge. it can feel like a legitimate mental break, horribly

i've worked too too many years doing delivery and honestly on good days it feels like being on vacation , just out there driving around somewhere peaceful without a boss over my shoulder

but whenever i actually order the garbage myself too much it can lead to a crazy period of overspending. i already spent $30 on a burrito that sucked why not spend $20 on a film i know is good, etc etc

i wanna go to a real one but they're open like 5 hours a day

well 7 but i am not voluntarily leaving the house before noon

esp if you're one of the devout ones who think they've been really good

i think we need Cracked-style articles back. desperately. or like, a guy doing a weird thing and writing a piece on it. sites like those are declining faster than the glaciers.

you know -- this is always represented in the news/etc as 'a starbucks a day' but i mean moreso a gadget or a shirt. i'm splurging on deodorant right now. is that immoral? are you meant to have a mostly austere budget until you're a boomer with a house and a fence?

so uhh what's the last little thing you bought to not go insane?

currently jamming on this toasted bread with butter. someone else woke up to work baker's hours at walmart to bake this loaf, then i bought it, then toasted it, then added butter. a veritable feast

"presumably love" is so aggressively neutral it sounds a bit insulting

how is the value proposition here? was this an adequate use of money?

(keeping in mind as well fwiw i don't eat meat)