I'm from NZ, but having been through the process for a US work visa, the way it happened was after the in-person interview at the consulate you left your passport with them, and it was returned by courier a few days later with the visa document attached.
I'm roughly assuming OP has gone through a similar process, and it is that return courier step that has gone awry.
Much as I don't want to disturb your shitposting, the original news article I saw about this "phenomenon" linked to an amazing video.
https://vimeo.com/1134717703
The meaty thud it makes as it faceplants the pavement makes it all worthwhile.