thisisnotgoingwell

Just wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar. I'm a 30yo M and I didn't really speak English properly until I was about 14 years old. By that time, teachers just assumed I'm an asshole or being intentionally difficult. When I was younger, teachers told my parents I was likely ADHD and that they should take me to a healthcare processional, but being Hispanic in the early 2000s, to my parents, that was akin to calling me mentally disabled, so they just told me there was nothing wrong with me and that I just needed to apply myself.

I've went to primary care doctors over the last few years and described my symptoms, high peaks and long valleys when it comes to my mood and energy and my inability to focus. Unfortunately, I think I've been masking for so long that everyone I talk to about this assumes I'm depressed. Even took some depression meds for a while, gave it an honest try and couldn't stand the side effects.

Not sure if I should just resign myself to this reality. I've failed upwards enough through enough very painful trial and error to land myself a solid career, but my energy and motivation is getting really hard to manage, despite the fact that I'm doing everything I can to live a healthy lifestyle(exercise daily, good sleep, etc)

Edit

After reading all the responses below and receiving much helpful advice, I reflected on my hesitance of getting medical help. I realized I didn't want to feel like I "gave up". I come from a poor family of immigrants and my parents sacrificed a lot for me to have an opportunity, so when I'm discussing these mental problems I face with loved ones, there's always a suggestive undertone of being unappreciative(remember your parents slaved away doing manual labor jobs so you could complain about your comfy, well paid office job)

I now realize my own happiness/fulfillment is my responsibility, public opinion be damned. Thank you all. I will seek help ASAP

Double edit

I'm on strattera(atomoxetine) now. It's helped me focus my thoughts a lot more.

Original:

Not sure if this is typical or not but it perplexes me to no end. I've always struggled with remembering things, decision paralysis, bad sleeping patterns, interpersonal relationships(appearing distant), mood swings of joy and apathy(high peaks and low valleys), addictive personality traits(coffee/nicotine/alcohol). But on a good day I can do the work of a whole team. I've often spearheaded entire projects solo from concept to design to implementation. Despite a very rough start in my early adult life and after getting tired from most jobs for petty things like disagreements or tardiness, I've been solid for about 7 years. I've learned to communicate effectively without getting emotional, how to manage relationships, how to work around the difficulties of my ADHD, I've turned my skills into a well paying career and can politic with the best of them. My son was diagnosed and I never was because Hispanics don't believe in ADHD("everyone has those problems, you just need to manage xyz better")

I've tried to explain my patterns to loved ones in hopes of feeling understood but even those closest to me say it's all mental. I feel like no one understands. I've been called brilliant/highly intelligent many times but have been told I need to apply myself. I feel like it's both a strength and a weakness.

Anyways, I have health coverage now and am scared of prescription medicines. Not sure if I should just keep braving on towards my future without getting some sense of closure. I believe my father is also on the spectrum because he has always embodied all the symptoms (irregular sleep, obsession with pet projects, irregular moods, difficulty managing relationships/being empathetic/sympathetic, etc).

I hate being told that I'm not trying hard enough when it feels like I need to keep double the pace of everyone else just to be on par. Should I start allowing myself to be disagreeable? Maybe call bs what it is and not dance around it so much? Should I seek treatment? Should I keep quiet and bite down on the rag?

Sorry for the rant. No one seems to understand.

I have owned a few bikes before but after I was in a hit and run in 2016 I decided the risk wasn't worth it. I owned two bikes after the hit and run but I didn't enjoy it in the same way.

3 years later from when I sold my last bike, I bought my first new vehicle ever, a 2023 KLRs.

Stay safe, you can't live your life scared but always be cautious. Super excited for all the adventures ahead.

I'm an 8 year data center network engineer who recently broke 100k for the first time. When I got asked my salary requirements I actually only asked for 90k as my highest previous salary was 80k with lots of travel, then I found out they gave me 100k because it was the minimum they could pay someone in my position. I've read before about people making crazy salary increases (150%-300%) and am wondering if I played it incorrectly and how I could play it in the future. I plan to stay with my company for the next few years and upskilling heavily and am eyeing a promotion in my first year as I've already delivered big projects by contributing very early. I've progressed from call center/help desk/engineer etc (no degree, just certs) so my progression has been pretty linear, are people who are seeing massive jumps in pay just overselling their competency and failing forward? Or are there other fields in IT like programming/etc that are more likely to have higher progression scales?

Hello all,

I am a data center engineer of about 8 years now. I've spent the last 3 years or so slowly learning Python(I say slowly not because of my effort, but because learning Python was actually very difficult for me.) I am not an expert in any way shape or form, I understand the concepts of OOP, inheritance, classes, functions, methods, etc and I have found that the python documentation that can be found within the language is usually enough for me to be able to write the programs that I want to write. Very rarely have I had to write programs that have to bypass the GIL, but occasionally, I have created threadpools for applications that are not I/O intensive. What I'm saying is, for most things that I create, performance is enough with Python.

However, I have been inspired by how much love Rust is getting from the people who use Rust. I have tried to find some books for using Rust for network automation and unfortunately I have not been able to find any reputable books.

Most of the "automation" work that I do involves parsing data with regex, restructuring the data, converting the data into a modeled format and transforming something with that data. Does anyone have any common use cases for Rust that might interest me? Has anyone used Rust for network automation tools? With familiarity, can Rust's intuitiveness match Python's "from idea to deployment" speed? Or should I only learn Rust if I intend to create applications that need tight performance?