endlessh was pretty cool and a more modern version is even better ! I'll give it a shot !
On a side note, I found a way to trap HTTP connections too while working on my cyb.farm project. The go implementation is ridiculously simple: tarpit.go. It works by providing an endless stream of custom headers to the client, which it is supposed to ingest before getting to the content itself.
Did you seriously bring a gun to a sword fight !?