[Edit]

Heya all,

As the title implies I recently switched from Concerta (27 mg) to Vyvanse (20 mg) because I had heard very wonderful things about the latter and upping my Concerta dosage wouldn't be ideal given my blood pressure. I'm about six days in to the swap and quite honestly I feel like shit. Like, obviously I'm experiencing withdrawal symptoms from a stimulant I took habitually for years but this still sucks. I'm curious to hear from others who have had the same experience, particularly about how long the adjustment period was.

Do the other branches next

So I'm sure a lot of us have been dog-piled before, where several people are jumping down your throat or demanding things of you and even in the best of times it would be hard to keep up but now you're in crisis, etc. It devolves into being the 'lolcow' for those present, especially if you're like me and can struggle to disengage and sometimes lash out especially when spurred on so it gets funnier the more people fuck with me, how cool!

I've dog-piled people, too.

I enjoyed doing it many times and only regretfully recently did I realize what I was doing, and the hurt I'd caused all those times.

I realized what I was really doing once a couple of years ago when WAY too late, after the dust had already settled and all the distress had already been caused when I went back for MORE like some kind of ghoul did I realize it was just a person who, just like me, me who struggled to disengage and due to the frantic pace and number of participants in the argument couldn't reevaluate or think or process and of course they just kept doubling down, and miscommunication on top of miscommunication to boot... it was bad, and gross, and it was my fault. I was the person who started the argument with them, in the end it had all been a miscommunication, we set up alternate definitions for central vocabulary in the argument very early on and didn't realize we were talking past each other, and neither did all of the NT's who joined in to dunk on the weird wrong internet loser, poke them more and laugh when they get upset and say more funny wrong things

I felt and still feel bad about my active participation, and worse the joy it brought me, I was there too, dunking on some lib with my friends, how fun! except it wasn't fun and cool, it was trapping someone in our little arena and watching them gladiator battle for us. Most of the people who were joining in with me were NT, and I was the one who slammed the gate on them after leading them into the arena

That said, I would not have any sympathy whatsoever if this happened to a proud zionist who says the quiet part out loud, but I think its a fucked up pattern that exists broadly throughout contemporary English speaking internet, and even (gasp!) within the culture here on hexbear. It does still make me uneasy, as we all know how quick that can be used on us and not because we support genocide, but because of a faux pax or other NT social bullshit, or just a straight up misunderstandings that are perfectly reasonable to have happen to a person sometimes.

It should only be employed carefully to remove poisonous people from the community as self defense, preventing us becoming a nazi bar for example, but its use should be conscious, not wanton. People should KNOW that they are dogpiling, and what that implies, and the dangers that holds for their neurodiverse comrades who could get caught in the crossfire if they start doing it when the stakes aren't 'make nazis get the fuck out' but 'this person is dumb and fun to fuck with'

I made this post because I almost did it again, when I saw that fuckin AOC stanning loser who was arguing with dozens of people, one of which was that shared bureaucracy account that half a dozen different people were using and replying to all of their comments across the entire comment tree, and how they had been posting continuously for hours and hours in a row, like, probably not a neurotypical person here right? When I saw the thread there were people saying stuff like "lmao he's still posting? It's been hours!" and I've totally been there so it just makes my stomach twist a bit. I couldn't help but think of the times I had hurt people and how it looked a lot like that (they weren't nearly as wrong as this guy tho I mean cmon, AOC? That's where I draw the line) I almost went in and started adding my own comments, dancing on the grave, but realized I was doing the same fucking thing again, reinforcing the same harmful norms and behaviors, even though this person is a loser that likes AOC. Again I wanna emphasize, wah their feelings got hurt because they have terrible politics, this case is kind of riding the line because it is really only occurring because the person has terrible politics, but I also don't like that there's no emergency brake or tolerance built into the system to allow for neurodivergent people who mean well and want to learn and be better, like how I like to think I did

I'm also not saying get rid of dunking culture generally, I actually kind of like it in the form of taking an incidence of someone saying or doing bad politics, and then us collectively mocking and deconstructing the bad politics and putting forth the correct, or possible, alternatives. This is politically useful, very fun, and importantly doesn't trap the target of the mockery and arguments IN the post, getting tormented in the comments drowned between a dozen simultaneous arguments. I think that's an important difference.

I usually feel a bit disappointed when I see a big comment tree and all the comments are removed and the person got banned pretty quickly, but I'm starting to think that's safer as a moderation strategy. I hadn't thought about that until writing this post and thinking about that AOC stan and how the mods explicitly didn't ban and remove their posts so we could go to town (no shade on the mod its the expected culture and I didn't even question it until just now either). Idunno, another adjacent thought there for ya

anyway, am I being a pissbaby about this? Is this an example of how dog-pile culture hurts neurodivergent people and doesn't always discriminate between friend and foe, and how fostering this kind of culture is hostile to the inclusion of neurodivergent people broadly? I accidentally wrote a giant post again and I rearranged and added to things as I went so it's probably hard to follow good luck I hope I went somewhere with it 👍

Leave a comment :)

p.s. the parts where I'm weirdly hostile and rude to that poster is just because of my username and me bein a funny bean, sorry if it had a weird tone clash, LAUGH DAMN YOU!

I'm in my mid-20s. I don't often see my parents, but when I'm out with my mother, I'll ocasionally point in excitement at someone or something I saw that interests me. My mother always disapproves of this, and she always says "don't do that, it's rude to point" in a sharp tone. Is she right?

On a related note, I think I'm the only one who played Zone of the Enders more than the MGS2 demo disc it came with

It's getting quite late, having a sleep inversion in the last few days that I tried to squash today by sleeping around 3 hours (and feeling quite tired too). I was sleepy earlier and then felt into a rabbit hole of neuro divergence YouTube and here I am kinda missing my old self.

Got diagnosed with Bipolar2 a few years ago, still changing some medication this fall but it seems to work. I feel boring.

And now I'm kinda missing being depressed, and also when it broke down into hypomania. I remember all of it. Missing work, dropping out of every started project, wanting to die - but having anxiety attacks when about to sleep about the void of death.

My last hypomania was fueled by Vyvanse (to treat ADD) and the feeling was so great. I asked someone at work who has extras if I could buy them. But they know I have bipolar, seems like they won't, I won't push it.

But yeah, mostly, missing being depressed tonight and I kinda feel ashamed posting it here where people could just wish to get rid of it, and I hope you do if it's the case.

That's it, take care you all magnificent people.

Hi Friends,

ADHD/Anxiety/OCD haver here. Coping with the symptoms of those 3 disorders especially around the holidays has me feeling really crappy. Mostly because of my poor communication skills with regards to my family. It’s causing stress and strain on my wife and resulted in a fight today.

I don’t know what to do, all I can think about is how much I resent myself for letting this behavior go on for most of my life and now letting it negatively impact my marriage.

I’m not here looking for solutions, but any advice wouldn’t be unappreciated.

More so, I am just looking to say out loud the thing that is eating me up inside…

I am so resentful of myself and wish I could snap my fingers and be better at life. I’m sick of people around me taking the brunt of the mental/emotional baggage I unleash on my surroundings just because I can’t handle being an adult. It’s so exhausting being me and I hate it.

Thanks for reading.

I even thought to myself before hand "he's not east asian I'm not east asian it's gonna be weird if I do this" but habits die hard even if they're quickly learned

I was only able to stream for an hour before I had to stop.

Now I solidly can't enjoy anything. What do I do?

I've been trying to get my life back on track and thought part of that might be reconnecting with people. So i just sent a few text but holy shit my social anxiety brutal, like I have no idea how I'm going to calm down for the rest of the day. Like I know the worst that can happen is i just get ignored but I guess part of me is worried someone is going to text back "fuck you I'm glad you're out of my life." Ugh this sucks.

I saw a post elsewhere that was just a picture of giant construction machines and I was like HELL YEAH and it reminded me of this story:

A couple of years ago I heard that a nearby city's public works department was having a BIG WHEELS EXPO where they were going to have all the giant trucks and machines out and people to talk to you about them and I was like, amazing, sounds fun, can't wait!

So, I make plans to go with my husband. I'm a 40-ish year old lady type. Somehow I was surprised that this was literally an event for children. I became wildly embarrassed and even though my husband was really trying to encourage me to have a good time I was like, nah let's GTFO.

Anyways, I've since leaned in to the joy I feel from GIANT MACHINES AND STRUCTURES (it's important to capitalize that lol). In hindsight, things like this should have probably been a pretty big sign that my brain worked different and I wish I had figured that our through my joy and not burnout.

That's a wrap for today. Hope to see you at the next one!

Does this make sense at all? In my head, it’s the most clear. When written, I feel like I’m not able to fully express what I’m thinking. When speaking, it’s like fucking Russian roulette and can be wonderfully put together and eloquent or stroke-like.

Is there any way to improve this or is it just the way my damn brain works?

I have schizoaffective disorder which comes with such lovely features as psychosis, which is a physical symptom that causes it to be difficult for me to distinguish between reality and fantastical things my brain makes up. (or other people's brains think up for that matter) Often I have difficulty even recognizing the thing isn't real, simply assuming it's part of the real world other people are used to, ignoring, or unaware of.

The experience I want to talk about is with ghosts. I don't think belief in ghosts is a very Materialist belief, but my experiences with them have been real enough that I don't think it matters that much. One prevalent ghost is that of a cousin of mine. I never met her, all I know is that she fell victim to suicide very shortly before I was born. I think that's partly why my mom has been more supportive of me through my mental illness journey, so in a way her shadow has affected my whole life. But in more recent years, I've noticed when suicidal thoughts creep in, she appears and will just sit with me. She doesn't say much other than to assure me she doesn't condemn me for my feelings. She just sits there with me through it. Having someone who has experienced the feelings I'm having sitting with me through them is a comforting feeling.

I'm not sure why I felt the need to post this. Maybe to just give some insight into the psychotic experience? Maybe to show not all psychotic encounters are negative? Maybe I just wanted to vent about it. In any case, take this as you will.

I spoke about it before but whenever I have things I need to do, I find myself putting them off even when I'm out of the house in no small part because of how constantly busy traffic is. I may live in the middle of nowhere, but it's car dependent so there are near constant traffic jams.

Even at the grocery store I find myself wandering aimlessly because of how constantly packed the place is. The gym? It's full all the time too so it's hard for me to actually do my workout. When I'm actually in traffic I feel myself getting more and more angry and irritated. I despise how poverty forces me to stay a basement dweller in rural Ohio, I despise how slow going from point a to point b is because of how busy traffic is at all times. It makes me sad seeing fire trucks not go anywhere because of how backed up traffic is.

I think it's cutting a lot into my productivity in trying to find a job and get myself off my feet when I have to take care of other things, and I wonder if any neurodiverse people feel the same way.

Hi comrades, it’s yappening again - you're invited to drop in chat about what's on your mind in Webfishing!

That's a wrap for today, thanks to everyone who stopped by!

FAQ and Rules have been moved to this post
I figure most people who are interested in this have already had the chance to read through this stuff but on the odd chance that you haven't yet, you can still find everything right there in the linked post.

Looking forward to seeing you there!

I could eat the chocolate chip ones all day every day.

What are some of your safe or comfort foods?

I would like to read it.

Edit: for context, I read the unmasking autism book as part of the reading group here, and it was insightful. I did read it for self diagnosis but in the end I don't think I am. That being said, a relative has got themself an adhd diagnosis as an adult and it's got me thinking.

I was diagnosed at a young age and this isn't new, but I have become more and more frustrated with it: getting to do something often happens slow. In the gym my exercises are often interrupted by many minutes of getting stuck in my head, being distracted.

People talk about how it's okay to take breaks but I sometimes lose HOURS at home because I just don't do anything and it isn't resting either because my head keeps churning without a goal. I call it a limbo between activity and resting. Sometimes my phone or another means of distraction is to blame, but other times it's just anxiety to do something because "is this the best use of my time?" (in general I often have time anxiety)

It drives me crazy because I will have a plan of things to do that's totally reasonable and achievable, but then I only achieve a small part of it because I keep wasting so much time, I then procrastinate on the rest. This mainly affects activities/plans I've set myself, those set by others let me just obey and not have to overthink as much.

Does anyone else relate and can they share means of dealing with it?

Friends used to come so easy, now I hang on for dear life to the two I’ve made over the past 4 years even if those people aren’t treating me great. Like, it’s sooooooo difficult to talk to family members about this because they chalk it up to anxiety and tell me I need medication when it’s not necessarily anxiety at all. I meet someone in an attempt to befriend them and check in on them occasionally, but I’m always the initiator

So I’m trying to determine if it’s even worth it anymore, ya know? I’ve always had a difficult time differentiating self-care with narcissistic tendencies and maybe I’m just caring too much about myself in this situation and should just not think too hard about it? I’m just very structure-oriented and when the structure breaks down, my world comes down with it, at least sometimes it feels like that.

Does anyone understand what I am trying to get at sometimes I suck at words

cross-posted from: https://lemmygrad.ml/post/6369425

Not sure I have had a migraine, but I have been taking nearly 700-1000mg of caffeine a day because I am so burnt out, and I have no end in sight. I'm trying to detox from caffeine for at least a week now because I keep having headaches no matter how much caffeine I take (on top of my stimulant). I have no paid time off, I have to work on holidays to be financially stable, and I am struggling so much. I'm so bored out of my mind at work, and I come home super tired and spend literal years doing a single step in any of my hobbies that I am trying to build into something that financially supports me. I spend most of the time at work hiding in the bathroom, and somehow they don't fire me for coming to work a couple hours late every single day for the past couple years (I am making up my hours after work, also staying late to avoid the horrible traffic).

I totally relate to how he feels and how he struggles in this video. I relate to the guilt and the frustration of struggling to do things I could easily do when I was younger. I feel like we are connected by morphic resonance because he tends to make videos specifically at the time I am facing a similar issue.

I think I should join an Autism support group.

"See it's not just me!" I jokingly say to my SO. (She's great and really tries to accommodate my silly brain)

She's very excitable and barks loudly and rapid-fire and it takes basically nothing to set her off. It's loud enough to give me a headache through a closed door, and from my perspective the barking fits come more or less at random. Not helping things is that my family thinks it's hilarious to get her riled up and does it constantly

But if you say you don't like dogs, people act like there is something wrong with you and assume you must be a bad person

cross-posted from: https://hexbear.net/post/3976656

can some other neurodivergent people comment on this essay? On first glance it seems interesting and like a subversive video. But it feels extremely demeaning and ableist on a deeper look? I mean, I haven't watched it, I'm not subjecting myself to what I'm fairly certain is the same "capitalism caused adhd and also addiction is a moral failing" argument. But that's what I mean?

Am I the only person who feels this way?

If you're like me you might want to just skim the comments. A lot of the stuff mentioned about the video's content really pissed me off. I really hope I'm not alone in this.

It feels like I'm being judged for mentallt struggling with executive function but in a Leftist Way Actually (tm).