cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/15424151

So today we finally got around to reading the instructions for some of our patches (Estradot) and realised they say not to put them in the fridge (or freezer but we wouldn't put patches in the freezer anyway). We took them out but they have been in there for months.

Are they ruined or less effective?

We started doing it because our other patches (Evorel) denatured once a while ago, and wanted to avoid the same fate with these ones since it's been a hot summer and have nowhere really cool to store them since we are on the top floor of a building and thus it gets very hot up here, even in our drawers.

So we are wondering what exactly is the problem with them being in the fridge and are they ineffective now or will they be okay now that they're in the a drawer and hopefully stay cool for the rest of the month?

We have left our other patches (Evorel) in the fridge as they don't say not to.

I've noticed that when I used to see myself in pictures I'd hyper assess every little detail of it to check for passing. Now when I see myself in pictures I don't do that anymore. Anybody else notice the same thing?

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

For those of you who don't know, the Blahaj Zone admin team runs a matrix space for gender diverse folk. Similar to lemmy, it's designed with a few "official" channels, but is otherwise a community curated space, with channels run by our members. You don't have to be a blahaj zone user to join.

If you're already a matrix user, you can head straight to our application room https://matrix.to/#/#gv-apply:chat.blahaj.zone, or by searching for #gv-apply:chat.blahaj.zone from within your matrix client.

If you're new to matrix, you can find some more details and an instruction video on how to get up and running here https://chat.blahaj.zone/c/genderverse/

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/15223477

We need more transmasculine people (and people in general) on here. If you know a transmasculine person please get them to check this place out. Spread the word!

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

So, let's keep it simple to start.

How have you been? Where are you in your journey?

I've been on an emotional rollercoaster of sorts for a while but we won't get into that.

I've just hit 6mo on HRT and last week I learned...

drumroll please

I finally love myself! Something that has taken me 30 years to learn to do. And that final piece of the puzzle was to embrace myself as Olivia ❤️

So, how have you been? What's on your mind?

• O✌🏻

If you've found some new resources regarding being trans (any aspect of it), link to 'em down below. Sharing is caring, woo hoo.

Personal tips/anecdotes of things you've found useful are also welcome.

User dandelion posted this link in a comment on MTF, and I figured y'all would be interested in this (especially to the eggs out there).

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

i know people here have a sour taste over hexbear but im so happy to see trans spaces on the fediverse popping off, im so done with corporate social media and its great to see.

love seeing hundreds of trans people vibing

Do you keep them, destroy/delete them, lock them away? What are you doing with your photos of your old self?

Personally I'm a bit torn. On one hand I want to keep them because they are still memories, on the other hand I never want to see them again. So I will probably lock them away/archive them somewhere.

But what about you?

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

For context: This Monday I came out to my work colleges and asked them also to call me by my new name and pronouns. Everyone is very supportive which is all that I could hope for. The only issue is, since in my family noone calls me by my actual name, not many people in my life actually call me by my chosen name (at least up until now).

With everyone at work calling me by my chosen name now, it actually feels quite a bit strange, uncomfortable and even a little embarrassing.

I did talk to my therapist about something like that once and he said that, yes, I am stepping out of my comfort zone and yes, that is uncomfortable but it's a necessary step to get better.

And yet, my brain still slaps me with that sweet sweet imposter syndrome like "how can you be trans if what you want is making you uncomfortable" and so on.

And now I'm here, asking you for similar experiences you've had to hopefully get it through my fat skull that it's a normal thing to feel (hopefully).

So. How long did it take you? Did it just click for you or was it just as uncomfortable as it is for me?

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/14307939

A user posted some incredibly good science on DIY HRT, I have verified them, they wish to stay anonymous.

Please take a look at their post! I know people have a vendetta against hexbear yada yada yada but please take a look at the post, it is very good information.

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

I tried to put some feelings down in words. It's a bit dark; I hope that's OK.

A ship sailed over waters deep
Beneath a graying sky;
A sightless pilot at the helm
Dreaming of distant shores.

The clouds rolled in, the waves grew tall,
Yet onward pushed the boat;
What else to do for a lonely crew
Who knows no other home.

Insidious breakers beat the prow,
The sailor's grip grew tighter.
Far away from an unknown port
The ship began to founder.

To stay with these worthless timbered bones,
A barnacled prison cell,
Would bring an end to a pointless voyage,
And beautiful dreams as well.

One step, so small, into the dark,
Leave the ship to the ocean grim.
It matters not what the morning brings
For I was born to swim.

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/13998559

Reaching Out For Help

After much consideration and fighting with my brain, I've decided that it's okay to ask for help in hard situations. So, I'm making this in hope that I receive at least a little bit of help. I'm asking for money, friends, and any advice you can give me. Everything counts and will help me during this rather terrible time. I'm Uni (name TBD) and I'm a 16 y/o transgirl unfortunately situated in the USA. You may know me as a regular on the Blahaj Matrix chats going by "Miss Universe".

So a little bit (a lot?) of backstory to sort of explain my current situation. My egg cracked October last year and it was both the best and worst thing that has happened in my life so far. Being a minor means that I can't really do anything about the fact that my egg cracked, I'm fully relying on the people around me to help me (which has failed). Put simply, as a minor I have absolutely no control over my body or my life, I have no money, no experience, and nowhere to go.

I came out to my mother and step-father (my parents are divorced) February this year, and while they seemed to be supportive at first they semi-recently turned on me and have been mostly unsupportive since then.

As for my father and step-mother, they are both actively transphobic republicans. I have no plans on coming out to them until after I turn 18, and it would be unsafe to do so before then.

Basically, as of now I have basically no support from anybody in my life and I'm completely trapped as my dysphoria gets worse with each passing day.

With my situation sort of explained(?), why am I actually here? Pretty much I'm here because I need money. Money for clothes, makeup, just stuff that can hopefully help me alleviate some of my dysphoria until I'm able to afford to do so myself (which as a minor is difficult). And also I suppose gas, in case it comes to it and I need to run away, even for a short period. I'm also looking for advice, I don't really know what to do and it would be really nice to have at least some semblance of what I could be doing right now.

I don't really know if any of that made sense, I'm bad at organizing my thoughts and even worse at asking for help. If you have any questions post them in the comments and I can probably answer them.

You can support me here on Buy Me a Coffee if you so wish, and/or with advice in the comments. Every donation counts.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/13974203

Hey, so I [17 MTF] have now known I'm trans for a bit over 1.5 years. Still, I have only come out to precisely 2 friends and my parents, even though I am a member of several groups that are trans-supportive. I have extreme anxiety when it comes to that.

Some reasons that I believe are part of why: (CW transphobia included)

• My parents didn't take it super well and are kind of on the edge between transphobic and supportive. (They have a lot of transphobic views but are generally not malicious about it and try to use gender neutral terms for me most of the time.)
• One of the friends turned out to be quite transmed despite being trans herself, and has invalidated me on several occasions for not having enough dysphoria at the time.
• I'm scared other people won't take it super well and I have no functioning support network.
• I'm scared I'll be seen as some kind of abomination
• I don't really feel like I "deserve" to come out since I haven't started HRT yet (and my parents do not support me starting, so I have to do this in secret) and don't feel like I pass well enough. I know I don't need to, but telling my anxiety any of that has no effect

This anxiety is absolutely crippling my progress. It extends not only to coming out but also leaves me too scared to even make an attempt to pass. I look pretty fem already and have sufficient voice training for most situations, but I don't even attempt to use that voice in public just in case it might slip. For this reason, everyone assumes I'm male very quickly upon me saying anything, which also leads to the anxiety worsening because now I'm also scared it was the looks and not the voice.

Additionally, I am non-confrontational to the point of fawning a LOT, which means I end up trying to appease anyone I have a conversation with even when there is no reason to. If someone criticizes the way my walls are painted for example, I will always agree with them to at least some extent, even if I actually like the way the walls are. This also makes coming out super hard because there is absolutely no way I will stand up for myself if someone reacts negatively. And that'll of course validate them in their negativity.

As I've said, I have multiple groups that I know to be trans-supportive. But there, I am afraid coming out might still lead to disapproval due to me "not passing enough". (Once again, I know this is a harmful way to think, but that's what I'm here to fix.)

I'm on a waiting list for a therapist, although I don't know how trans-supportive they are. I'm primarily there to help fix the anxiety and possibly get the autism I suspect to have diagnosed. I do hope they're good with trans stuff too, but it's not a requirement as I've already sorted the medical things out with slightly less-than-legal options.

So, my question is: Do you have any tips on how to reduce this anxiety and expand my support network by coming out in more places?

Feeling really nervous about it but its hard for me to access it outside of these options, I just hope that the order actually goes through and that its not a scam and that I can finally start to change my body. Sorry to make a bit of a vent post but ya'll are awesome and I don't know anyone irl who would listen <3 Edit: The order didn't go through but they haven't taken my money so I don't think it's a scam, if anyone has some sites they can recommend which ship to the UK I'd really appreciate it ❤️

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/13900215

I did it. I came out to everyone that matters. No one has cut me off or thrown me out. The process took about 6 months longer than I thought it would, but we are here, on the other side of that long tunnel. But instead of flying out of the other side, speeding my way towards a full transition, I'm maybe two steps further transitioned than I was six months ago. No momentum.

And oh boy am I tired. Long talks with good friends, debating theology with my pastor, answering questions, calming fears, it's a lot of social energy.

Can I just stop being trans for one bloody moment? I need a breather. But no, that's not an option, the dysphoria is not abated. So onward I press, taking the hard path, the good path, the slow path. I can be a Christian and trans. I can keep my support network and transition. I don't have to lose my wife and kids, we can make this work.

But

it's

so

slow

.

I've been transitioning as slowly as possible for 30 years, but I'm ready to drop my masc and make a mad dash to the other side. I'm ready to throw out the guy clothes, take E, get an orchi, laser my face. I know different people experience womanhood differently, but I feel like I haven't gotten to experience it all, despite leaning hard on that GNC wall for all my masc years. And so I don't ask people to call me Amber, she/her, because I don't feel like I deserve it. Once I'm over there, then I'll ask. Once I malefail. But this mindset is holding me back. Insisting on maintaining all my relationships and support network is holding me back. My wife working her way through her own theology and gender issues is holding me back. And I can't lose those, so I limp along, dragging the shattered remains of my masc alongside me.

I thought for sure that putting myself out there would free me to go be myself, that I would be zooming, but instead I'm still plodding along, just now with extra scrutiny.

Last night I dreamed I was a kid, and instead of hiding and building a masc, I was demanding to be myself. Little dream me was so sure of herself, so ready to fight everyone who would tell her she couldn't be who she really was. I could use her energy right now, and her willingness to fight for herself.