America was not in the Bible. Hot Dogs were not in the Bible. Fireworks were not in the Bible. The constitution was not in the Bible. The second amendment was not in the Bible.

If these things are so good, yada yada..

My mother also talked about how one of the disciples died by being crucified upside down. Not only is this not in the Bible, the particular piece of literature describing the event never actually said he died.

I started enjoying the Bible in the same capacity someone enjoys Lord of the Rings or Dune. In doing so, I’ve 1) found it easier to read, and 2) found some certified gangster moments, like David holding up a piece of cloth to Saul and essentially going “coulda killed you in your sleep, biatch”

I’m digressing. Point is, these people have never actually read the Bible. They pretend to have, but they haven’t. To be fair, it’s a piece of literature so dense it makes Shakespeare look like Flake chocolate, but fuck..