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this post was submitted on 12 Sep 2024
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I mean, considering how some of them can struggle with ice cubes, you'd need one hell of a (consumer grade) blender to effectively get rid of a body
Start with a wood chipper.
Saw that in a movie once.
Yeah but that sprays evidence everywhere, best to find a deep, dark, cold lake somewhere.
If you can get the body out to international waters over a particularly deep section of ocean maybe... not gonna trust a lake to not betray me
Unless it's the big lake Gitche Gumee in November... then you're golden
Lake Superior is deep enough. but it's cold enough the corpse won't go away anytime soon.
I imagine you can fit a wood chipper into a boat and then take care of all the problems that way.
I have it on good authority that Lake Superior never gives up her dead.
You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute.
Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".
Ugh have my upvote you heathen