this post was submitted on 30 Jun 2025
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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it's hot. also i'm growing cacti from seed which is new to me and i'm excited, a few of them are sprouting now. how are you?
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bullshit
I have to call the therapist, which means I have to sit on the phone for hours. I really don't want to. I can't sit still that long.I have to fill out job applications, which means they can call me back at any point, which means I need to be ready to answer. Which means I can't do anything because I need to be prepared.
I hate this. My coping skills have only gotten worse. The more I think about all this stuff the more I just want to go smoke some weed and forget about it.
I keep thinking about disappearing. If just one person had stuck around when I first started talking about killing myself, then it wouldn't be like this. I could've had a friend, support, gotten my life together.
Probably just getting high today Getting high helps me feel pretty
Spoiler
It sucks to know that there are helper friends out there, and that I am a helper friend myself, and that there's so much I would do for someone who just asked.Like, teach me to ask. Teach me these things. I want to be like the normals. I would learn so willingly if someone would teach. You. Don't. Understand.
Idk if you reach a certain point and you lose empathy for the eggs, or you become unwilling to engage, I don't know if I'm perceived as a wrecker or just a confused boy.
I know that I feel the legitimacy of my problems. Whether you people are all secret friends with secret group chats or not, I know what I am experiencing every day, and that I need support from people who aren't waiting to be convinced of my legitimacy.
something something it's called the Left because they leave you to flounder
Spoiler
I mean it's so obvious. If I were another person and I saw me I think I'd burst into tears. I wouldn't believe that someone could be led so astray for so long, and I'd want to help.Idk I think Hexbear is Jokerfying me. I just want to be a chill girlie with chill girlie friends. People are unkind about brain fog and dysphoria and rejection sensitivity though. I'm supposed to pull myself up, despite these things.
Like, my ideal friendship is with someone knows and understands all of this about me, and has their own plate of problems that I am learning about and accepting of as well. Friends stay aware of each other's wellness so they can help each other grow. There is back and forth, sometimes I help them and sometimes they help me. But we communicate about it.
I really think if you're too depressed to do something, a good friend (for me) is someone who is willing to step in to help. If you're too anxious to go out, they ask if they can come over. They see you when you flounder and they ask, what can I do? I really think that. Sorry if it's regarded, or petarded.
If this is intense, frankly I don't understand "low-intensity" friendships. "we watch a sport and I go home and he goes home until next week" you're describing a zoo enclosure nice try
Anyone can make this stop by making casual conversation with me like I'm people