this post was submitted on 24 Jul 2025
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[cw: body shaming maybe] How do you talk to your friends who are worried about their body shape (hexbear.net)
submitted 10 months ago by ButtBidet@hexbear.net to c/askchapo@hexbear.net
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Friends sometimes complain that they're too big, too short, too tall, etc. I think they're all fine, and want to let them know that. My problem is that I'm a middle aged guy and and I don't want to give off any whiff that I'm flirting with anyone. I just want to tell people that they're perfect and good the way they are. Are there safe ways to say it?

I feel like this is a thing that easier to do if you're a woman? (sorry if I'm wrong)

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[–] ratboy@hexbear.net 3 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

So I experience body dysmorphia. Not diagnosed because I just call them "body image issues" in therapy, It's been very bad since elementary school.

In my personal experience, there is nothing anyone can say that will make me feel better about my looks. I am fixed in how I see my body, both in belief and literally what I see in the mirror. Doesn't matter if I'm at my heaviest or thinnest where my parents asked if I was using meth because I got so small. I look the same, it's really distressing. So focusing on trying to make someone feel better about their body may just bounce off them or could, perhaps, frustrate them.

I think your mileage may vary with different people and different approaches depending on how bad their insecurities are, so I think it is very important to try to get a read on them and what they would be comfortable with, if you can. As an ND person I think it can be helpful to connect about insecurities you have too, if you are okay with that and then lead into trying to talk about capitalism/misogyny and how its this bigger structure that affects how we feel about ourselves. Not everyone likes anecdotes though so might not work with everyone.

I also really do like came apart at Kmarts approach too. Then its not about appearance but functionality and I think it's easier for someone to appreciate the positives about what their body can do instead of how their body looks.

Or maybe, pointing out that beauty standards are always shifting. At one period it was super desirable to have extra fluff, in the 90s it was "heroin chic", now being thicc is the next fad, none of it means anything.