askchapo

Imo, if youre going to do this, its important to not invalidate that we are punished for having socially undesireable bodies, from financial punishment, to direct mockery, etc. Whatever you say to someone has to not invalidate that reality, or youll come across as an asshole who doesnt understand the root (or one of the roots) of the issue.

You can just tell them there's nothing wrong with the way they are, it comes off more as a reassurance than a compliment.

Depends on the context, but I find it best when someone says like "oh, I'm too tall to fit into that shirt" to say something like "You're not too tall, the shirt isn't tall enough". Redirect it to a conversation about the context rather than their body while at the same time, letting them know it's them that's fine, it's the clothing or whatever that has the problem.

great question. no idea. I never know how to react to comments on my appearance and always feel embarrassed for being seen in that context.

because of this, i never say anything about personal aesthetics unless solicited, and even then I'll keep my response limited to like a thumbs up or some other subtle approval.

if it's stuff like too tall/too short, I talk about the functional advantage of those forms. reach vs. safer back etc.

I generally operate under the assumption that nobody really cares what I personally find aesthetically appealing. experience has only ever confirmed this.

I go through it myself so I just come at it earnestly, and then let the consistency in that platonic approach ward off any misconceptions. And stick to things that they have control over and likely made conscious efforts to present a certain way “your glasses look great!”, “that’s great shirt color for you!” - which draws their mind from what they feel less confident about (their body) to something that makes them proud in their choice.

Depending on the closeness of your relationship, and your knowledge of their struggle, a “you look great/strong”, or an acknowledgment of their hard work goes a long way; at least between me and my friends. In my experience - at least speaking about being overweight- very few people appreciate the difficulty in moving the needle even a little bit. So I find that acknowledging efforts rather than results is a good method too.

So I experience body dysmorphia. Not diagnosed because I just call them "body image issues" in therapy, It's been very bad since elementary school.

In my personal experience, there is nothing anyone can say that will make me feel better about my looks. I am fixed in how I see my body, both in belief and literally what I see in the mirror. Doesn't matter if I'm at my heaviest or thinnest where my parents asked if I was using meth because I got so small. I look the same, it's really distressing. So focusing on trying to make someone feel better about their body may just bounce off them or could, perhaps, frustrate them.

I think your mileage may vary with different people and different approaches depending on how bad their insecurities are, so I think it is very important to try to get a read on them and what they would be comfortable with, if you can. As an ND person I think it can be helpful to connect about insecurities you have too, if you are okay with that and then lead into trying to talk about capitalism/misogyny and how its this bigger structure that affects how we feel about ourselves. Not everyone likes anecdotes though so might not work with everyone.

I also really do like came apart at Kmarts approach too. Then its not about appearance but functionality and I think it's easier for someone to appreciate the positives about what their body can do instead of how their body looks.

Or maybe, pointing out that beauty standards are always shifting. At one period it was super desirable to have extra fluff, in the 90s it was "heroin chic", now being thicc is the next fad, none of it means anything.

Just don’t say anything unless they bring it up? Like if you say something about your body is aesthetically bad, there’s three ways another person can respond. Either they agree, disagree, or don’t really engage, using blow-off language like “that sucks”. Disagreeing is obviously the least weird option, as long as you’re using normal language and not using words like “succulent” or something. If someone brings up something bad about their body and someone else disagrees in a normal respectful way and then they get uncomfortable, that’s their own social fuck up.

My friends tend to prefer physical reassurance but idk if you are friends like that. They like hugs and cuddling and stuff like that. Seems to calm them down to just cuddle on a couch and watch some slop