askchapo

i knew a guy who did this legit 20 years ago. possibly the Ur example in my lifetime.

he was one of those contrarian type of guys in late high school and into the early 20s. but it didn't seem malignant in those days. his family situation was tougher than average growing up, and he mostly came across as a pacifist that liked to talk metaphysical whatever. crunchy, granola, vegan. into bodywork and chakras.

in his late 20s he had been living with a woman for years who kinda supported his ass, even though she was still in her early 20s. he would buy toys and not clean the apartment. basically a joker. they got married, but like a year into it, they split up. i had since moved away, so i wasn't around to be dragged into taking sides but she always seemed the more reasonable, level headed and practical one.

anyway, like a few years later we're catching up, and the dude has gone hardcore reactionary. all he does is argue with everyone online with the most intolerant positions, alienating everybody. it was wildly out of character to the guy i used to know. suddenly he was extremely homophobic, anti-muslim, and preaching the one true god at everybody. he married some lady, immediately had a kid, converted to the orthodox church, and that became his whole deal. wearing the crazy get up everywhere, having some big scraggly hermit beard, and preaching reaction to everyone. when trump showed up, he was fully on board. i stopped paying attention, but steadily everyone we both knew would confide that they stopped talking to him.

my analysis is there IS an epidemic of lonely men and these patriarchal institutions offer a plug and play community with on-boarding rituals to anyone willing to sever old relationships through publicly embracing reactionary politics and jumping all the way into marriage, kids, with no real plan for their material situation. i mean, usually the people in those institutions who want their kids to get married and have children will kick in assets towards those milestones if the younger couple will happily cosign to whatever abhorrent values the parents and institution have. effectively, they buy compliance and legacy through generational wealth transfers. i don't think its ever really enough for material autonomy. if anything, it seems like a feudal system where the younger ones are kept just above water and always seeking approval of the benefactors.