this post was submitted on 13 Jun 2026
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Saw a gruff Wal-Mart worker out in the parking lot during a stakeout. I thought the scorching heat of the pavement was playing tricks on me. He was wearing a Waluigi hat. This must me a covert gang sign. Need to call in some backup to stakeout the cart return. Likely storing drugs and smuggled Switch cartridges inside the handles.
Fuck, I think my cover's blown. Suspect spotted me. "STATE TROOPA HAS LOST ITS SHELL. I REPEAT. STATE TROOPA HAS LOST ITS SHELL. MOVE INTO POSITION FOR OPERATION GROUND POUND."