My dick doesn't work anymore and I didn't even buy a Switch 2. Fucking Nintendo.
this post was submitted on 13 Jun 2026
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i think that means you can get one for free
holy shit stops ur dick from working?? gotta go buy one now!!!!!!!
I'm emulating a Switch on a Steam Deck. Is my dick going to fall off???
Only if you do that weird thing where you sniff the vents
Worth it.
You used to be able to get it up without trouble, now you can't because of woke 😔
I'm undercover in a Switch piracy-drug ring. I didn't realize how much danger I was in until I was too deep.
In order to gain their trust I had to speak their language (mostly denouncing post-truth YouTube FUD grifter-haters, some kind of rival gang of theirs it seems). I had to study their operation (buying empty game cases for $70-100? Must be for drug smuggling or money laundering). I had to do things no one should ever have to do (get all 900 korok seeds in both Zelda: BOTW and TOTK). I've gained their trust, at least on a superficial level, but I can't break into the upper-echelon of this bootlegging empire. I keep asking them where they're getting the product and they keep stonewalling me with "Best Buy" "Wal-Mart" "Amazon" "Gamestop." I've been feeding this intel to HQ but nothing turns up.
I knew I'd have to take risks, but how will I return to my wife and kids a sick man with a broken dick? Justice never enters sleep mode.
Saw a gruff Wal-Mart worker out in the parking lot during a stakeout. I thought the scorching heat of the pavement was playing tricks on me. He was wearing a Waluigi hat. This must me a covert gang sign. Need to call in some backup to stakeout the cart return. Likely storing drugs and smuggled Switch cartridges inside the handles.
Fuck, I think my cover's blown. Suspect spotted me. "STATE TROOPA HAS LOST ITS SHELL. I REPEAT. STATE TROOPA HAS LOST ITS SHELL. MOVE INTO POSITION FOR OPERATION GROUND POUND."
It's probably the same issue as with laptops where setting it on your lap for hours at a time and having your dick get heated up by the battery can cause testicular cancer.
Or just what happens if you shred up the plastic and roll it into a cigarette.