Editor's note: this is a post about American Independence Day celebrations
existentialmemes
Alright, I'm going to launch explosives around your house. For several hours. Yes it is dangerous and terrible for wildlife and the environment. And yes your pets will get sick from eating the debris and you will feel terrorized inside your own home.
No you can't opt out of it. Everyone is doing it and frankly it's weird that you don't want to.
No you can't be the one launching the explosives you need a license for that. You can however launch these marginally smaller ones though. Yeah just whenever you want. 2am sounds great.
So anyway, fireworks were a mistake and it's never too early to start reminding you of that.
On one hand, a firework, on the other...
I don't have another because I accidentally blew it up because drinking and fireworks go hand in han— nevermind
This is better with a visual gag element but joke incoming:
How do you give a redneck a vasectomy? Light a cherry bomb, put it in an empty beer can, give it to them and tell them to count to ten.
Redneck holding the can in the left hand, starts counting on their right hand. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5....... puts beer can in between legs and continues on their left hand 6, 7, 8, 9, boom.