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I kinda realized: If society didn't focus so much on attain wealth or having to struggle with survival, maybe my mother wouldn't have lash out for no reason when I was a kid... (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 2 weeks ago by DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works to c/casualconversation@piefed.social

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Read a random comment on the r/AsianAmerican sub and it got me thinking...

I mean my mother is so fricking weird... like she tells me she loves me, but whenever she gets angry, I get yelled at and I get rold how much she sacrificed for me, and I now remember those memories of my mother just complaining about coworkers and then tell me that I "不爭氣" ("don't work hard enough"/"disappointment"/"failure" or something) and told me to "爭氣" (which is the antonym, so I guess "work harder"?)... so, I remember just feeling so sad and crying...

Now I kinda understand... its not my mother's fault, its society...

I have good memories of her, I remember us having fun when I was a kid... it was society that disrupted that...

Now I understand... I should really redirect my anger away from my parents, it's not their fault, this society did that.

Society is why I spend so much time in afterschool programs having no friends, and why I'd be just sitting alone during dismissal time wondering when my parents would pick me up from school, as the sun is setting. Society is why I was often left at home alone with my older brother, why we fought a lot.

From now on, I'm just gonna blame the system, the system did this to my family. The same thing that happens to all families.

Who know how many loving families got destroyed by this system.

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[–] rikudou@lemmings.world 5 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

No, dude, this is 100% on your mother. Sure, life/society might not have been nice to her, but that doesn't give her any right to abuse you.

So being angry at her is perfectly fine. It wasn't society, it was your parents. That sucks but some people were dealt a shitty starting cards.

The system sucks, that's true. But does everyone act like your mother towards their kids? If everyone does, sure, it's the system's fault. But if most people don't abuse their kids like this, there's obviously a different way and most people chose it, that would make it your mother's fault.

It's okay to love her even if you hate her, humans are just wired weirdly that way.

I strongly suggest therapy if you can get some. Feeling like you do is very common among abused kids.

[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 weeks ago

I'd say more like 30% my mom's fault, half of that 30% is my maternal grandmother (she also says mean things to me), the other 70% is society.

(I don't wanna mention the economic system that starts with the letter C, not trying to get into a political debate on this comm)