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I kinda realized: If society didn't focus so much on attain wealth or having to struggle with survival, maybe my mother wouldn't have lash out for no reason when I was a kid... (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 2 weeks ago by DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works to c/casualconversation@piefed.social

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Read a random comment on the r/AsianAmerican sub and it got me thinking...

I mean my mother is so fricking weird... like she tells me she loves me, but whenever she gets angry, I get yelled at and I get rold how much she sacrificed for me, and I now remember those memories of my mother just complaining about coworkers and then tell me that I "不爭氣" ("don't work hard enough"/"disappointment"/"failure" or something) and told me to "爭氣" (which is the antonym, so I guess "work harder"?)... so, I remember just feeling so sad and crying...

Now I kinda understand... its not my mother's fault, its society...

I have good memories of her, I remember us having fun when I was a kid... it was society that disrupted that...

Now I understand... I should really redirect my anger away from my parents, it's not their fault, this society did that.

Society is why I spend so much time in afterschool programs having no friends, and why I'd be just sitting alone during dismissal time wondering when my parents would pick me up from school, as the sun is setting. Society is why I was often left at home alone with my older brother, why we fought a lot.

From now on, I'm just gonna blame the system, the system did this to my family. The same thing that happens to all families.

Who know how many loving families got destroyed by this system.

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[–] 6nk06@sh.itjust.works 13 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

You can blame both. My father is crazy partially because of his parents, but being violent towards me is never an excuse.

If you blame the system, everyone is innocent, it's always because of the previous system until the big bang, and no one improves or say they are sorry.

[–] MirrorGiraffe@piefed.social 1 points 2 weeks ago

Coming from a deterministic point of view, I still don't think that everyone is innocent. Everyone does the only thing they can do at any given time.

Acknowledging that some actions are wrong, suboptimal or evil and lifting the fact that a lot of people have the capacity to do good in hard scenarios can create pressure and inspiration for people to grow. Not that we have a choice.

I'm a man of privilege and have had an easy time making solid choices imo, I'm really inspired by people who make great choices from a rougher place and I'm appalled by people of fortune who act heinously even if I believe that they do so because it's what life taught them to do.

[–] cryptTurtle@piefed.social 5 points 2 weeks ago

This is always a good realization when growing up imo. However it's important to acknowledge not only the circumstances of your parent but also what you needed from them but never got. Both are important. Both are true

[–] rikudou@lemmings.world 5 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

No, dude, this is 100% on your mother. Sure, life/society might not have been nice to her, but that doesn't give her any right to abuse you.

So being angry at her is perfectly fine. It wasn't society, it was your parents. That sucks but some people were dealt a shitty starting cards.

The system sucks, that's true. But does everyone act like your mother towards their kids? If everyone does, sure, it's the system's fault. But if most people don't abuse their kids like this, there's obviously a different way and most people chose it, that would make it your mother's fault.

It's okay to love her even if you hate her, humans are just wired weirdly that way.

I strongly suggest therapy if you can get some. Feeling like you do is very common among abused kids.

[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 weeks ago

I'd say more like 30% my mom's fault, half of that 30% is my maternal grandmother (she also says mean things to me), the other 70% is society.

(I don't wanna mention the economic system that starts with the letter C, not trying to get into a political debate on this comm)

[–] oeuf@slrpnk.net 3 points 2 weeks ago

The system makes good people do bad things. It's not the only thing but it's plays a bigger role than I think a lot of people realise.

The tragedy is that so many of us blame each other, and ourselves, instead of joining in opposition to it and breaking the cycle.

[–] swelter_spark@reddthat.com 2 points 2 weeks ago

You can't choose the society you grow up in, but you can choose what you take from it and how you react to it.