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GNU Jami though I had trouble getting it to work reliably, and you have to install an app. YMMV.
Jitsi is decent, especially if you don't mind using their server meet.jit.si (may have changed by now). It uses WebRTC (i.e. you can use it with just a browser) which I think is preferable to a mobile app.
I think there will inherently be some lag if you're using a mobile phone at the client side, because of all the codecs, wifi latency etc.
This shouldn't be that hard a technical problem especially if you're ok with audio-only. I don't know why the existing programs all have probs in some areas. Jitsi is nice to use but a pain to self-host from what I can tell.
I have a self-hosted nextcloud that has a video chat feature (Nextcloud Talk) but it's not great.
I have been wanting to spend a chunk of time looking into the situation and finding a good answer, or at least identifying the trade-offs clearly.