I want to do something, anything, but organizing/participating in orgs is really hard with how my brain works. Theres chapters/locals out here, dsa, psl, frso, etc., but i feel like i cant participate.
I get overwhelmed by noise and large groups, especially if those groups are shouting or chanting. Protests and marches and demonstrations are a nonstarter cause having panic or anxiety incidents at those does more harm than good. Ive tried attending meetings and discussion groups, but theyve been so incredibly difficult for me and i end up contributing nothing and taking nothing away. I cant hear what people are saying cause if multiple people are talking it all blurs into a single sentence. And my body dumps literally all the cortisol into my blood and i have to recover for a good while afterwards.
What can i even do? Like, i could admin a *nix box that serves stuff, i can cook, i can do (very basic) firearm safety, i can do things, but the social aspect is really hard for me. Organizers want to fire people up, but that firing up incapacitates me. How can i attend a meeting when that meeting is geared toward not-me and within 15 minutes im in emergency mode and lose the ability to form solid memories from the meeting, or lose the ability to speak? Last one i went to, it started with chants and that was kinda it for me. I stayed thru the end, but it was really intense and i needed to lay down cry and be held afterwards. I cant participate in those kinds of things in a manner that is sustainable for me.
I want to do stuff, i want to contribute, i want to make the world even just a little bit better, but i feel like all the activities and actions that are available to me are things that are either veryvery difficult or incapacitating for me.
I'm going to be so brutally honest with you as somebody who is the same:
If you have ADHD and autism (like myself) and you aren't medicated, it is even more crucial that you do whatever you can to get medicated for your ADHD. You need to take care of yourself and manage the part of your situation that is treatable medically. It sucks but it is actually a very real condition that impacts every single thing other thing in your life. Everybody is different, but for me it includes being significantly more comfortable socially.
It allows me to enter the organizing space while I'm feeling alright, not overwhelmed, and comfortable, and take on those roles that I know I will be able to handle if I'm having a day where I don't think I can socially interact too heavily. In my role in my org, I was able to do a lot of the behind the scenes spreadsheet work and meeting scheduling. That takes a huge burden off of somebody else and frees up their other capacities as an organizer.
From each according to their ability, to each according to their needs. Any org worth organizing for will accommodate you with open arms,
1000%. Im currently medicated (both stimulants and a2 (ant?)agonists) and getting on the meds was really really good for me. It made it possible for me to do things. Like super basic things. Its why i wasnt crying and freaking out at this most recent meeting i attended and instead was able to save that for afterwards.
Im not an org member rn, but have had interest in that for a while now. The panic is just a lot and all of my exposure to local orgs has been through these "fire the people up" type events. Idk if its the adhd, the autism, past traumas that are unknown to me (i have a lot of missing parts of my memory), or a combo of some or all of the above. Regardless of the why/the roots of my difficulties, from the comments here i think ill reach out to either psl or frso and ask about how i can contribute within my capacities.
You're probably not going to found a new chapter for a remote org and that's OK. you can't meet people half way if there's nobody to meet.
to whatever extent you interact with people in "real life" you can reinforce people when they express opposition to the empire or sow doubt when they repeat outlandish claims about america's enemies. The same kind of exposure that moderates some chuds who have never met a queer person before also applies to our political ideas. The latter doesn't need to be in great detail just, reasonableness checking or "they lied to you about X are you really going to believe Y when it's the same playbook?" kinda stuff and expose them to ideas so they're more receptive later.
it's rough and it's not going to feel like you're doing anything but it's not literally doing nothing. same applies online, you don't have to be Cowbee but it still helps.
I was in your position for a long time and feel like I can relate. ADHD to people who don’t have it is a funny little condition that some of the quirky and eccentric people they know have that makes them fun and silly.
The reality is that for some, like myself and perhaps you, it can be a completely debilitating disease that makes you feel incompatible anywhere you try to fit in with society. To us, it is a BASE LEVEL ISSUE. If you are an adult living independently, it is absolutely, beyond all doubt, the priority issue you need to address before the rest of the world slides away from you too.
It’s frustrating, it can be tiring, it can be expensive, but you need to do everything in your power to treat it before you can even attempt to fix the other things going on around you. I lost a few years of my life in what I’ve dubbed “The Slop™” where problem after problem could just be traced back to issues brought about by my adhd. First minor ones, then major ones, then the life altering ones.
ADHD treatment is stimulants. Do not abuse drugs, but treating it with reasonable amounts of caffeine will at least help you be somewhat more attentive and able to pursue real treatment. You may need to schedule multiple appointments back to back to back in a single day to find a doctor who will take you seriously. Some might think you’re faking, some might make you feel embarrassed, but only one needs to say yes and understand your situation to change your life.
Everything turned around for me when a doctor prescribed a small dose for 30 days to see how it impacted me. I was finally able to function the way I needed to in order to secure lasting treatment and eventually make a life for myself that I don’t feel trapped in. Do not spend your energy and focus on doing socialist organizing before you’ve secured proper baseline treatment for yourself. It is so worth continuing to try because you have no idea just how good life can be when you finally get properly treated. I sobbed my first day because I realized I got all of my house cleaning and self care done and I hadn’t heard my neighbor’s low battery smoke detector beep a single time even though it kept me up at night for weeks.
It’s life changing, and the least you owe yourself is a shot at seeing what it can become after sustained treatment for a serious disease.
Could you elaborate on what you mean by an organization to help you? I'm not really following here and it's because my brain is not firing on all cylinders.
As a person who sporadically white-knuckles themselves out of being a disorganized mess briefly, only to lapse back into being a disorganized mess, I can relate.
I don't mean to be obtuse here but are you saying that you are looking for consistent, ongoing care/management to support you so you can live a more fulfilling life in exchange for your work or are you saying that you are looking for an org that will treat you well and with consistency in exchange for your contributions to it? Sorry for not getting it the second time around.