(Washington DC) As Trump makes comments of “armadas sailing beautifully” while threatening Iran, White House watchers are noting a different trend in his speeches, and suspect plagiarism.
On Tuesday, in a speech on banning gun laws, trump said, “I’m letting the days go by, I’m not letting the waters hold me back. We have countries dissolving… countries removing… there’s a country at the bottom of the ocean, Atlantis, I believe, and they have to carry the water on their heads, and it’s very heavy.”
“Well that’s clearly The Talking Heads,” said Ari Shapiro, from NPR in live commentary on the speech. “He’s even flailing around. This is clearly intended to distract from the dire message banning gun laws.”
Not so, said Karoline Leavitt at a press conference later Tuesday evening. “The president is as healthy and clear minded as he has been for years, and will always be the same as he ever was. He is free as a bird now, to lead the American people to victory.” White House Advisor Steven Miller attempted to then quote Jay-Z, but was stopped by every white person present.
Experts are unsure if the erratic behavior is trump being trump, or if this is an intentional distraction by the White House, as more Epstein files are being released. “I mean, 1,000 monkeys with typewriters, right?” said one expert who asked not to be named for fear of reprisals. “How similar the mind of this president is to a 3-day song writing binge on LSD is something I’m sure future generations will study.”
Not all are worried about the president’s lyric speech. Leo Sturbgetter, a cow detangler in Alabama, said, “wow, I never thought about how people in Atlantis have all that water over them. That’s deep. That’s… deep. I need to think about this, I’m having a moment.”
David Bryne could not be reached for comment.
I love how Leo Sturbgetter's cow detangling firm is taking him all over America for business.
Is that the person that jerks off bulls for semen? It is a real thing, breeding bull semen can be worth more than gold supposedly.
He's a cow detangler. Every now and then your cows get tangled, kind of like a rat king, or maybe they get their legs twisted around each other like bread ties.
Here is a helpful resource to understand how important it is to keep your cows straightened out.
Point is, every time the Onion interviews him, he's in a new state. But he's still a cow detangler. So I suppose he's a roving cow detangler, who gets the cows loose from each other and then travels to the next call.
Not the Onion, I write these just for Lemmy.
10/10 running gag, no notes
Theorizing that one could time-travel within his own lifetime, Dr. Leo Sturbgetter stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator… and vanished. He awoke to find himself trapped in the past, facing cattle that were not his own, and driven by an unknown force to detangle them for the better. His only guide on this journey is Al, an observer from his own time, who appears in the form of a hologram that only Leo can see and hear. And so Dr. Sturbgetter finds himself leaping from pasture to pasture, striving to detangle what once became tangled, and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home.
One end of the broom is for scratching and the other end is for reversing quantum cow entanglement
Now I’m going to spend all day trying to find a Quantum Leap cow pun.