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I'm married to someone who had to be the adult and take care of her family (siblings and mother) starting age 11.
My wife is unstoppable. But she expects adults to be adults, because she had to figure out how to be one by herself. And that's where the resentment comes in.
Yeah that was me as a kid. 1-2 siblings, parents worked 7am-6pm or later, and mom travelled a lot for work. I did all my own stuff starting at ~6yo, cooking/cleaning/laundry by 8yo, caring for my baby siblings starting at 11yo (including overnight childcare).
I don't resent anyone for it (no cope, I think my childhood was good overall). Parents both started from absolutely zero and became very successful. Both parents were loving and supportive. But I definitely am left with the feeling that if I can't handle something, someone else will either do it incompetently or not think to do it at all.
That attitude has not yielded lots of friends or the support I probably need. People assume I don't need anything and I don't know how to ask.
My parents were both raised the same way and also turned out that way.
Sadly, my wife's parents did not make any effort to make her life better. Her dad is just a terrible person (abusive, neglectful, narcissistic, all the classics) and her mom is narcissistic, angry, hateful, and worst of all, helpless. She can walk around and do things but... She won't. She will instead demand to be helped, fed, dressed, bathed, she needs the tv turned on, and she expects you to read her mind. When we were dating I remember her mom literally yelling at her for a week because my wife grabbed the wrong flavor of ramen noodles. She wasn't told which flavor to get.
My wife is not only unstoppable, she is a saint. I can't believe she married me.
your wife's expectations are so low that your basic respect and competent and communication probably make you seem like a saint to her.
I'd kill to meet a partner who was just... a decent human being. I have had no such luck. Everyone I have dated lies, manipulates, and acts like a toddler when it comes to emotional stuff. They left zero room in the relationship for me to have my own life. Being single for the past 6 years has been amazing because I have actually been able to achieve things without the dead weight of a needy and useless partner who contributes nothing to the relationship in terms of adult responsibilities.
my parents weren't that bad but they were similar in their helplessness and refusal to take responsibility for anything and their blaming of everyone else.
In my many decades of experience, the only people who can do it competently are going to charge a fuck of a lot of money for their time, and even with an expensive contractor, it's 60:40 they'll do it right.
Mechanics will replace the entire cooling loop and sensors in a car to make an extra grand. HVAC techs will charge you an extra Benjamin to replace a contractor along with the capacitor, just in case it was a problem.
That's how I feel. I don't have empathy for people who are over 25 who act like children. And yet people tell me I 'lack empathy' for someone throwing a temper tantrum in public over some perceived slight or their hamburger having 1 less pickle they think it should.
But I just end the relationship. I can't respect people who refuse to take responsibility for themselves. Once I realize they aren't going to do that, I am no longer interacting with the person. And there is a significant number of people who go through life never taking responsibility for their actions and blaming other people for their mistakes. What I can't understand is why other people like those people... but often they do because they are charming on the surface.
What kind of responsibilities? What you see as responsibilities might be unnecessary things for other person
the idea that actions have consequences.
look at ozempic. everyone loves it at first! miracle drug for weight loss! but the issue is... people go it, then go off it, and gain the weight back because they have changed nothing about their lifestyle. They have just tried to cheat the consequences of their choices rather than doing the hard work of changing their lifestyle.
so unless people plan to stay on ozempic the rest of their life... the will still be subjected to being overweight because that is what they have chosen. a responsible person chooses to chane their life style. an irresponsible person complains and whines about how hard their life is because they are fat and they can't stop eating bad foods.
It is wild to me that a clearly chronic disease (metabolic syndrome) which suddenly has a treatment has a bunch of people advocating to stop the treatment. It like If someone nearsighted told me they could read a sign with their contacts in and I'm like cool you can see now, no more need for contacts.
No, i'm taking about people who use it to lose weight without having to diet or exercise. not diabetes patients who use it for it's intended purpose instead of it's side-effects.
people who use it this way are not supposed to use it long term, let alone the rest of their life. they simple see it as something to use for six months, drop the weight, and then go right back to where they were six months ago.