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I don't have advice on whether to take it or not, I just wanted to say I'm sending love and support, this is such a raw thing to be navigating ๐ซ
I will say, if theres any way you can talk about this with someone IRL please consider doing so and trying to create a real life support system for yourself. Whether that's friend, a therapist, family, someone nonjudgemental who you can discuss where you're at could be really helpful, especially when you're noticing an increase in risky behavior.
There is value in being able to talk things through, try to process where you find yourself and what needs the risky behavior might be filling, and why its something you do or dont want to continue. That kind of discussion and immediate support is hard to have via text posts over the internet
Sending love your way, please take care of yourself my friend
Thank you so much for your empathy and support. I really appreciate it